Yogi Singh Has Arrived!

~This post is dedicated to Yogi Singh Jain~
Born 3/3/12 in Sammamish, Washington. 

We picked up Yogi Singh this past Saturday at 8-weeks old and our lives have forever changed. There’s no doubt about it, he’s a lot of work, but nothing has ever seemed more worth it thus far, than our Yogi Singh. Vinit and I agree, if we love a puppy this much, we might be the most overwhelming and smothering parents ever with a baby someday. Yogi + baby? Oh gosh, TOO MUCH!

Yogi is cute. He’s feisty. He is lovable. He’s playful. He’s super adorable. Just when you think there’s no hope in training this little cutie, he shows you his heart-warming puppy dog eyes and you suddenly realize this world cannot be half as bad as you might have previously thought it to be, to produce such a little cutie like him. We are in love. Even with the 1230am, 230am and 5am potty times… IN THE RAIN and IN THE COLD, we are indeed very smitten. Even with the first night we had him where he was having diarrhea every hour on the hour, not sleeping and being very sad with out his siblings, we were still overjoyed to have him. Even with his teething and biting and jumping, we love him just the same. Yes, he’s a puppy, there is no question about that. A puppy who needs to be trained, and we are currently working very hard on that.

One friend advised us before getting Yogi, “expect to have no social life once you get Yogi” and they were right, being new puppy parents themselves. Our social life is non-existent except for Yogi visits by friends, but coming home to see our baby means everything to us.

As you can see, we love him very much.

I am beyond excited and thrilled to have our first born be Yogi Singh. I haven’t felt this much excitement and happiness as well as protective mamma-bear-ness for anything in a long time. As far as his dad goes, Vinit is the best dad ever to him. When Yogi cries at night, it’s his dad who calms him down and sleeps next to his crate on the floor until he falls asleep. It’s also Vinit who does not hesitate to run outside in the rain and cold in the middle of the night when Yogi has to go potty. A few nights ago during crate-training with him, Vinit was very emotional to hear Yogi crying and whimpering for a prolonged period of time and I wasn’t sure who needed more comforting. So, I had to hug both of them simultaneously. Vinit has shown so much love for this baby of ours, a puppy he was very uncertain about getting in the first place. But seriously no joke when I say the best dad ever…

Now all our carpool and nighttime conversations are around Yogi Singh and the things he does which makes us laugh or the things he does which are not exactly cute, but how much we still love him no matter what. While this is a lot of work we are going through since he is a puppy, we also realize he will grow up very quickly and those puppy days will be long gone.

Saying all this, if you are considering a puppy, here are 10 things to keep in mind before making the big leap to get a puppy, based on our recent experience.

1. Will you accept a lifestyle change and be willing to focus on being with him and training him in all of your free time?
2. Will you be able to be with him during the day or have arrangements for him to be with someone else during the day?
3. If he has accidents and pees and poops throughout the house, will you be able to accept this as puppy behavior and not get mad at him?
4. Can you commit to a routine and schedule with him in terms of eating, playing, sleeping and potty time?
5. Will you wake up with him throughout the night if he whines to go potty?
6. Can you be disciplined about training him, not giving in just because he’s cute but because you have to do what’s best for him?
7. Will you be able to provide him with lots of love and affection and reward him when he does things right?
8. Do you have a lot of patience? I mean, serious boatloads of patience?
9. Can you commit to not ever giving up on him, no matter how bad the day might be while teaching him?
10. Will you accept he is a puppy and will therefore act as such?

We are not perfect parents by any means but we know we want to do the best job we can in providing him with the best life we possibly can. He has already taught us so much about ourselves and we are learning invaluable lessons from him.  I can’t imagine our life any other way now… he’s our little baby doll and mera bacha.

The only question I continue to ask myself during this whole process is, “…remind me why didn’t I do this sooner??”

He makes us really happy.

-Tanya
(Yogi’s mom)

Yogi Singh Jain, bred from Shedless in Seattle.

Yogi Singh

What a gorgeous spring day today was! The sun was out, the birds were chirping, I had to blow my nose every 12 minutes due to terrible allergies. Yep, spring is most wonderfully and definitely here!

So, all this talk about wanting a puppy has finally come down to a reality. In a few weeks, we will be the proud owners of a miniature labradoodle. I honestly can’t wait to get our little Dood! Little Dood, you ask? Yes, we finally decided on a breed. Well, here is how we finally decided on which dog to get…

As you know from November, we fell madly in love with Mochi, my aunt and uncle’s Coton de Tulear. Mochi who was a godsend and huge turning point in getting Vinit, who has always been afraid of dogs, to be comfortable and even begin liking dogs. He had definitely fallen in love with Mochi and quite frankly had been talking about him since.

So, needless to say, a Coton had been at the forefront of our want list. Although I had always loved Labradors the idea of having a hypoallergenic pet was much more appealing to me than my loyalty to a particular breed so a Coton de Tulear seemed like a great fit for us.

A few weeks ago, while lunching with a friend in Kirkland, as I walked back to the car and entered the Woodmark Hotel, I was greeted by Woody, the hotel’s Director of Customer Services, a dog. At first I thought one of the hotel guests had let their puppy labradoodle roam around the lobby freely, having heard this hotel was super pet-friendly.  I asked the front desk about this puppy and he informed me Woody was in fact the hotel’s Director of Customer Services and that no, he wasn’t actually a puppy, he was full grown. What? A labradoodle that looked like a permanent puppy? This was too good to be true, I thought. He was ADORABLE! Woody walked us to the elevator and watched us the door close and was the sweetest, most adorable dog.

I went back to work and that Friday afternoon all I could think about was Woody. Where did Woody come from? Why was woody so cute? When could I see Woody again? I actually google’d Woody and found his Tumbler page, his Woodmark bio, and even an Evening Magazine special on Woody’s hosted “yappier hour.” This little cutie was a local celebrity, I found!

I was smitten and intrigued!

I sent pictures and the website links over to Vinit and his first reaction was “Woody looks like a bigger Mochi!” and just like that, I knew this would be an easy conversation with him!

I called the Woodmark Hotel that same day and asked if we could come by and see Woody and I also asked where Woody came from. They gave me all the breeder information and said he came from Shedless in Seattle so that is when we filled out the online application and sent a deposit to reserve ourselves a puppy!

Turns out, Shedless in Seattle labradoodles are hypoallergenic which was the biggest reason we wanted a Coton.  Very quickly it seemed getting a Miniature Labradoodle was going to be the best of both worlds, a hypoallergenic and shedless dog, combined with a little bit of labrador which is what I grew up with!

Things were working out too well, we thought.

So wahoo, we’re getting a puppy! We’ve both been on cloud 9 since this big decision for us, talking about how our lives are about to change as well as all the things we plan to do with getting a puppy.  We realized this is definitely going to be a lifestyle change, but we are happy and committed to do this!

We are dying to baby SOMETHING! And I finally get a puppy, something I’ve been wanting for years and years now…

Now, the Name.

One of the things I love about Vinit is that we seem to be on the exact same page when it comes to names. We are nerds in that we have already (and painlessly) named all our future children, even! So as soon as we realized we were really getting a puppy, we started brainstorming names.

The only minor complication with this was, well… my dad. Normally, I would take name suggestions from my father with a grain of sault, except my dad had been expressing so much excitement about us getting a puppy, I honestly couldn’t deny him participating in the naming process either.  After all, this little guy was going to be a very loved dog, by us and by him so a name he could live with would be important, too.

My dad’s only comments/guidelines when he realized we were really getting the puppy were two things:

#1 – “Can I please help pick the name?” and
#2 – “Please don’t name the poor dog anything weird.”

Oh how he knows his daughter well.  My first reaction was, “yes” to the first part and “oh $#%@” in my head to the second part since my dad and I definitely have our own [different] tastes when it comes to pet names.  In college I had named my cats “Prada” and “Hugo,” then when I moved away to Michigan, next thing I knew, they were responding to “Tom” and “Jerry.”  So with our puppy, I thought for sure this was going to be a problem.

Now Vinit’s only request about naming the dog was to not give it an Indian name, as with kids and pets, we had both agreed to name them ethnic-neutral names. That was fine, I thought, after all there were so many adorable pet names out there… 

Then suddenly, I thought ‘YOGI SINGH!’….ok, so maybe I wasn’t a very good listener or rules follower with Vinit nor my dad since I broke both of their rules but as soon as I said Yogi Singh to Vinit, he forgot all about his little rule! Somehow, he LOVED IT! He loved it because Yogi sounds like Yoni and we are both Yoni Singh (nick names) so a Yogi Singh made perfect sense. I liked it because of Yogi the bear and I liked Singh because it just made the dog automatically cool, if you ask me. A name like that, he was just destined to be an amazingly cool dog.

But there was still my dad…

We told all family members about the name (who were all excited about it and liked “Yogi Singh”) but in convincing my dad of this name; we realized this would most likely be a stretch. We rehearsed and scripted our strategy for telling him or ideally, somehow getting him to come up with this name (as if!) on his own over Easter Brunch, but truth was everyone was nervous to pieces about it.

This morning (the day before Easter) my dad called me to discuss the puppy some more when low and behold those dreaded words came out of his mouth, “oh by the way, I’ve come up with a great name!” I had an instant lump in my throat. I replied with “Oh really? I have a name in mind too but let me hear yours first!” I was nervous. He then proceed and said, “Wego.” Funny thing was, I kinda liked “Wego” and he laughed and laughed as he said, “that way you can say, “Here WEGO!” He really thought the play on words was hilarious to say the least but I was not exactly humored. 

While the name was funny and cute, if he was serious about it, I realized this conversation could go downhill very quickly. I decided, before he got too far down the “Here Wego!” path, I better do something about this quickly so I said you know Dad, I’ve come up with a name too! He replied in an equally nervous voice which I just had, “okay… but please let it not be weird…” and I said no, it’s not and I think you’ll like it.  So I said “how about Yogi?” … I knew I had to ease him into the full name, Yogi Singh, and starting off with just Yogi was something he could relate to with the Yogi the Bear cartoon.

Then there was silence…

A very LONG silence…

I knew it. He didn’t like it; I was already convincing myself…

He then said, “Wow, did you know, your great grandmother had a dog named Yogi and that is why everyone called her “Grandma Yogi?” He continued, “I LOVE IT! It’s actually a family name we can carry on!”

OH MY GOSH, what a huge relief that was so, while he was on the family thing, I went for it… I went in for the gold. I said, “Dad, there’s nothing more special and important than carrying on a family name to me, and that’s it – it’s decided after hearing this, Yogi it is!!” He said, “Yep, Yogi is the perfect name for your puppy, what a great name!”

LOL!!!

So being he was now super excited to have our puppy be named after one of his most favorite and influential people in his life, we were set, but how on earth would I tell him about “Singh?”… In a very unplanned way, I told him how since Vinit is Indian, Yogi’s Indian name will be Yogi Singh and he laughed and laughed and loved that too! He said, that is great! “Yogi Singh it is!”

Oh, it all still cracks me up…

Yogi Singh’s ETA.

So hopefully in 3 weeks we will be bringing home our 8-week old Yogi Singh. We are on a wait list to receive puppy in 3 weeks since all puppies are accounted for (sold) however, the breeder assured me half the time someone backs so we’ll have to just wait and see. If however, no one backs out, we will be getting a slightly larger miniature Labradoodle in the 40-lb range vs. the 30-lb range in another 8 weeks.

Vinit told me yesterday when he was at Starbucks he was petting a big dog outside (to try and continue to reduce his fear of dogs) and he told me he actually wouldn’t mind a big dog, that he really liked that dog, too. That was interesting, I never thought I would hear that since when he met Woody, he was at first taken back by Woody’s 30lb stature which is of course, nothing compared to my 115lb Alex Webb (lab). So, if we end up having to wait 8 weeks, it sounds like Vinit will be perfectly fine with it.

So there we have it! Our baby Yogi Singh! Stay tuned for more details and pictures on him to come! We can’t wait! We are ecstatic!

-Tanya

And To Answer Your Question…

I typically try to keep topics here light and warm-hearted but there is a topic I want to discuss and an important message I want to share with others. I realize this is a gutsy move going out in the public like this and being so vulnerable, but I really felt moved to do so…

God’s Whisper.
Hi everyone.  My name is Tanya and during our second month of “trying” last year, my husband and I conceived and became pregnant.  4 weeks from now, I would have been delivering a baby.  Turns out, God had other plans for us and it just wasn’t our time so at what would have been almost 11 weeks we lost the baby.  I was definitely sad about it but consoling a devastated husband was much more important to me at the time than the emotional grief I heard I was supposed to suffer.  We handled it the best we could and did the most logical thing we could think of – we ran off to France for what ended up being the best vacation of my life… as you know. 

Post-miscarriage and D&C procedure, my body decided to take its sweet old time getting back to normal.  Months after the loss, my pregnancy hormones were still quite high and it took several months for them to drop and normalize.  This can happen I was told, and it was definitely happening to me.  To be honest, at the time the miscarriage happened, I approached the whole matter from a very logical view, “this happens… I know the statistics (1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first trimester)… etc. and everything in me knew there was nothing physically wrong with me, that this was all just very common.  I approached it from a logical standpoint and definitely not an emotional standpoint.  I felt I had a good understanding of what had happened and if you asked me, this was just part of life.

My Hairstylist, the Great.
5 months after the miscarriage, I went to get a haircut with a stylist I hadn’t seen in about a year and when she asked me how my last year had been, I shared this unfortunate news with her.  She proceeded to shed light, a different kind of light on my situation. 

She told me women unfortunately hide miscarriage, they don’t talk about it, they are embarrassed by it, and they don’t want to feel judged like there must have been something wrong with them or that they did something to cause this.  She said, if you flip it, when you talk about miscarriage you are acknowledging the fact this was a real baby and a real life.  With this recognition comes the celebration of life and the celebration of THIS life you as a mother, were carrying.  She encouraged me to talk about it, to acknowledge it and to know each time I do, I am acknowledging and celebrating my baby which did not have the strength to make it in this world, but which deserved to be discussed and cherished. 

Talk about a holy #$%@ moment. I fought back tears listening to her describe this life I previously didn’t want to view as a life (my coping mechanism), yet understood and agreed with every word that left her mouth.  She told me about some of her friends who had little rituals each year such as letting go of balloons on the day they miscarried to again, acknowledge the life they had and lost.

She later shared her own struggles with fertility and after being told she could never have children, her and her husband literally conceived the weekend following that diagnosis while downing tequila shots and riding skateboards at Ocean Shores, as they wanted to get away after feeling so sad. Ha! Although she regrets not having a more romantic story to share with her daughter about how she was conceived one day, it makes for an inspiring and miraculous story to share with others.  She has a beautiful, perfect 4-year old daughter today so when things are meant to be, she reminded me science as well as doctors can be proven wrong.

The last piece of advice she gave to me during this 60-minute haircut which I never wanted to end, was not even try to get pregnant. In fact, she said when people ask if I’m trying to tell them no.  Tell them I’m having tons of passionate, wild and crazy sex but that no, we’re not trying.  She said, saying you’re trying is like saying you’re better than God and that you are basically controlling when you are going to have a baby. She said, let your higher being, whoever/whatever that is, take care of this for you because this is NOT up to you.

I walked out of this appointment and felt like I just had 10 of the best relaxation massages of my life and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders which I never realized I even had.

A few weeks later while cleaning the kitchen at home, I found a picture from our very first ultrasound and I cried and cried….AND CRIED.  Yep, a little late to the party and 6 months later I finally grieved.

… and I finally let go.

So why am I sharing this?  Well, I agree with my hair stylist, women don’t share these things enough and that is sad because this was a life which deserved to be acknowledged plus it allows you to share your own story and hear other amazing perspectives like I had heard that day.  Funny enough, when I DID share this with a few people suddenly women came out of the woodwork in talking about how they miscarried too.  Close friends at that!

But this is not the only reason I felt compelled to write this post, or I could have written this a month ago.  I wanted to write this post because fertility can be such an interesting topic that I believe people should just be careful when inquiring with others.

Fertility Faux Pas.
It was May of last year and I met up with some girlfriends and Olive You in Kirkland for a girl’s brunch.  Someone asked me if I was “trying” when my friend Negar quickly spoke up and said, “Ok, so none of us are allowed to ask Tanya this question anymore. It’s unfair and when I was trying, anytime someone asked me about it, it put more pressure on me than I deserved.”  I remember thinking how so sweet that was of her to defend me, but I assured her I was really fine with the question.  She very sternly told me no, it’s not fine – even if I felt I was fine with it. I didn’t get it then.  Oh, how I get it now.

I absolutely get it now after being asked questions like:

· When are you and Vinit going to get pregnant?
· When will YOU be having your baby shower?
· I think it’s time you and Vinit become parents
· Are you and Vinit trying?
· How’s it going getting pregnant?
· When will we be hearing the good news?

And I’m sure I’m missing a few…

It’s such a common topic now that when I hang out with others it nonchalantly slips right into even the most trivial of conversations, “isn’t this hummus great and when are you conceiving?”

For the most part, I can handle it. I haven’t reached the point where I’ve become sarcastic providing replies such as, “Didn’t I tell you, I am most likely having my baby shower November 20^th 2016 so expect an invite.”  I was telling another friend of mine who’s been busy having tons of passionate, wild and crazy sex (what some might call “trying”) about all the questions I get and she was shocked people have the balls to even ask me this.  She said she had not encountered that yet.

I kind of have to laugh at these questions though.  I really want to just say, HOW THE EFF WOULD I KNOW YOU SILLY MORON? Since when did I start looking like a psychic?

Here’s the thing – I laugh at it and poke fun (what else can you do) but I realize people don’t mean anything bad by it. I totally get that their hearts are in the right place and they simply care and it’s honestly a question of endearment and curiosity.

But here’s what should be considered when asking:

You just never know what’s going on with someone to be asking this sort of question.  In my case, after having gone through a mc, I was being asked when we were going to get pregnant left and right and at the time I didn’t want to talk about it.  That was no fault of anyone but it’s just important to consider that it’s a topic which you might want to think twice about asking because you just never know..

Additionally, I continue to meet more people (especially close to my age) and find out about friends who are undergoing tests as well as fertility treatment plans, which is no easy feat. It’s emotionally and physically draining and I can’t imagine how hard it is for them to get these questions, meanwhile all their friends are announcing pregnancies and they are left feeling frustrated and in the mercy of science and medicine, and only have faith to go by.  So you just never know.

The other side of all this is, I have more and more friends choosing not to have kids these days.  Why is this question so important and interesting for people, I’ve wondered? It’s societal, that’s for sure but I’ve encouraged one friend who has decided to not have kids, that when people ask her this question to simply reply, “I don’t know but I’d love to hear when you’re having a colonoscopy?”

Still, I worry.
After thinking something was in fact wrong with me a few weeks ago, or wondering if maybe our jizo was not positioned correctly in our garden, I went to the doctor and requested an ultra sound and examination.  I was told at the end of it all, “Tanya, Tanya, Tanya, you’re fine. You’re very healthy and you’ll conceive and there is nothing wrong with you.  Chill out and take the pressure off yourself… Oh, and off-record, make sure you’re SLUTTING IT UP at home. Trust me, that helps people get pregnant.” Yes, those were words from my doctor.  Oh, how I love her.

Do I have a lot of pressure to get pregnant? Yes, I realized I do. I have a husband who loves kids so much and wants nothing more than to be a father and during the month he’ll set out ovulation kits and pregnancy sticks with anxiousness that this will be the month his wife gets pregnant.  It’s cute. But it’s pressure. I adore him and I know he means well…

I also had been putting pressure on myself and it seemed each time I heard yet another pregnancy announcement, I felt an even stronger push to get pregnant and prove nothing was wrong with me.

Truth is I have nothing to prove to anyone.

My father who has been extremely careful about prying at times has suddenly started asking me when I’m going to give him grandchildren.  While 99% of me finds that as the most adorable thing ever knowing he tip toes and tries to avoid bringing up such things with his children’s lives (in fear of sounding like he’s pressuring) I realized he’s asking because he can’t wait for me to be a mom.  Is it pressure? It is. Is it cute? Well, yes.

Moms DO know best…
Now, my mom and my in-laws definitely don’t pressure me.  In fact, my mother keeps telling me to stop all this nonsense and quit with my iPhone apps, monitors, thermometers, pee sticks, and charting.  She assured me the Rosales fertility genes are potent enough on their own and that she believes I’m just really stressed out, combined with a body who knows what its doing and taking the time out it needs. She’s concluded I’m feeling quite a bit of unnecessary pressure. She brought up a great point last night in that she was the only one of the 4 girls amongst her sisters who quit having babies in her early 30s whereas the rest of my aunts had children well into their late 30s and early 40s. My own grandmother had her last baby (her 6th child) at age 44! Gosh, I don’t know why I forget those details all the time.  That relieved me tremendously, hearing that.

After going through a series of emotions about this whole thing I was talking with my husband this morning and told him that if I take out all the pressure I have to have a baby, this is how my heart feels about it:

· Every month I am not pregnant, I thank my body for doing the right thing and not conceiving sooner than when it’s ready.
· I might start parenthood a little bit later than I had expected, but all this time simply gives me the opportunity to be the best-read and educated parent I can be one day.
· Aside what others might think for when it’s my “right” time and the questions I get asked, this really is MY body and we are working out an agreement so let that be between us, please.
· A miscarriage is taxing on your body; let nature take care of itself the way that it’s always done.
· I’m fine if I’m not pregnant this month, next month or in a few months. In fact, each month the pregnancy test reads negative, I’m actually relieved I can quit stressing out for another month because I have some sort of answer to the constant question.

So, to answer your question…
After all this hoopla let me answer your question; no, we’re not “trying.”  I’m going to finally listen to all the people (who are NOT busy asking me when I’m having a baby) who’ve encouraged us to not try or even think about it. Time after time, that’s when it happens. When the stars and the moon decide to align maybe we’ll have some news to share but this is nowhere near my control. 

Until then I have a ton of home projects to get to, maybe a few trips to make, tons of reading and fun dates out with Vinit.  Not a bad plan at all, I say!

-Tanya

Pets, Parents, and the Cycle of Life

I think one of the hardest things we will ever experience in life is losing loved ones. It’s precisely this reason why I’ve chosen to forgo pets for as long as I have. Let me tell you why…

When I was born we already had a yellow lab named Goldie. I grew up with Goldie and loved her like nothing else. She let me pull her ears, cut her eyelashes, ride her like a horse and Goldie just always seemed to be there for me from the time I crawled to the time I went off to summer camp as a 12 year old. This dog meant a lot to me.

At age 4, I also got a kitten and named her Teeger. I was obsessed with this kitten but she ran away and I cried and cried. Shortly after, I got another kitten. I named her Teeger II. I was even more obsessed with this kitten and I remember needing to be around this cat as much as I could. I would do things like bring Teeger to school with me for show-n-tell. I had professional pictures taken with Teeger as a child. I color coordinated my stuffed animals in my room based on Teeger (Teeger was all white).

At age 6, a wiener dog roamed into our yard and after weeks of posting FOUND signs in our neighborhood we adopted the wiener dog and named her Precious. Precious and Goldie were instantly best friends and you can also imagine knowing their size differences how adorable and yet odd that was, but they were. LOL! They loved each other soooo much!

At age 12, I was coming back from summer camp after a week being away and as we approached my friend’s house where my mom was to pick me up, I saw my mom’s car. I jumped out of my friend’s car and said, Mom, where’s Goldie? My mom just looked at me with a blank face and I bursted out crying. She didn’t even have to say it. Goldie was close to 15 years old and I knew the end was near. Still, Goldie watched me grow; Goldie was my protector, my dog, my family and I was devastated, expected or not.

It wasn’t but a few months later that Precious, whose age we never knew, passed away one day while waiting for me as she always did, near the mailbox as I walked home from school. We actually believed after Goldie passed on, Precious never got over losing her best friend. She was sad and her personality changed a lot and it was hard for us to watch.

At age 13, Teeger died when I was in CA visiting my grandparents with my mom one summer. Turns out, Teeger was chased by a kid up a tree, and he shot her with a bee bee gun and Teeger fell out of a tree and died instantly. My dad called that evening and the first thing I said was, “is everything OK with Teeger, Dad?” He said yes but I could tell in his voice it was no. He asked to speak to my mom and my mom tried to act controlled but I knew right then Teeger was not OK. She broke the news to me and my poor Filipino grandparents looked at me (who had never had pets) and said “I hope you cry like this when we die!”

I mourned for 3 years over Teeger’s death. Anytime I would see white cat hair I would cry my brains out.

I also want to point out just how great my mom was with our pets obsession.  She was not raised with pets at all and despised the idea of them.  Still she graciously and selflessly allowed us to have them and she simply tried to keep her distance and bite her tongue a lot.  I know she truly understood how happy they made all of us and at times I’d catch her petting the dog or holding the cat when no one was looking.  My dad on the other hand was the pets lover in our house.  He was (and is) so good with animals that he’s even helped train our friend’s dogs at times because he has an amazing amount of patience and skill with it all.

In college my dad decided it would be a great idea to get me a cat. I was so excited about it, too!  On the way to get the cat, we ended up looking at puppies instead and walked away with a puppy yellow lab somehow, haha! That dog, Alex ended up being my dad’s soul mate, I swear, and I surrendered ownership of Alex as soon as I saw how happy he made my dad, as now there was an empty nest and my dad just needed something to take care of in place of us kids. Alex was a godsend not only to us but to many.

Thankfully we live in a neighborhood which was fine with things such as allowing your dog to roam around unleashed, etc. Well, there was a little girl who called for Alex every day while walking home from the bus stop and Alex would do his neighborhood dog duties and meet her then walk her home. No joke. My dad used to take Alex to rest homes to visit the elderly because he was so good with people and he put huge smiles on their faces when they would see him and pet him.

To this day there are more framed photos of Alex decorated throughout our house than of US KIDS. LOL! Sadly Alex passed away shortly after my Grandma died, and my dad actually said he felt Alex’s death was a bit harder just because it was more unexpected. Alex had quite a number of tumors and it was beyond the point of saving him when we found out so it happened pretty quickly.

I’ll never forget what Alex did right before he passed away. At our house we have woods on our property and Alex began going out to the woods daily. My dad soon realized what he was doing – he was going out to the woods to die. Dogs often do this when they know it’s time. They will go hide somewhere where they can go on peacefully. Well, my dad kept finding him there just sitting or lying down and my dad would carry him back to our house and try to nurse him back to good health. Finally, my dad realized it was much too selfish to let him live on and a vet was called out to our house and Alex was laid to sleep.

Tonight my dad called me to see how it was going with considering a puppy, since it’s taken me awhile to muster up the courage to go through the whole life process with a pet again since I’m one who gets incredibly attached to my pets. I told him that I was pretty set on the idea finally and he gave me some tips like to wait till Spring as training (i.e. potty training) a puppy in a little bit warmer weather will be much easier. He kept encouraging me to get a small to medium sized dog but I told him the only kind of dog I could honestly imagine owning was the kind I’ve been around my whole life: Labradors. He told me he didn’t blame me one bit and then got a bit excited that I seemed firm on carrying on our family Labrador tradition. I told him when it was time to go pick out a puppy he had to come with me and I said he should also think about picking out a puppy too. Then he said the words that broke my heart just a little bit more… he said…

          Sadly, I think if I got a dog now, it would outlive me.

Knife to heart on repeat please. Argh that just kills me to think about that. I realize parents do age (he’s almost 70) and his heart is very weak but that has me torn up a bit tonight. I don’t even want to think about that possibility reality or not!

So my response to him immediately was…

          No dad you’re wrong. It’ll only add more years.

And of course I hung up shortly afterwards completely shaken up and texted my mom what dad just said and mom replied saying he meant it’s just a lot of work and it’s harder when you get older. Of course I responded with, No, no that’s not what he said, Mom. He said the dog would outlive him. She responded with no, he just phrased it in a silly way… don’t worry.

The whole thought disturbs me so much. First of all I don’t want to think about anyone dying – pets, parents, nobody. I know its part of life’s process, I know, but parents, the people, the pets I was blessed with having in my life, I just never want to let go of.  I hate the idea that I can’t have them forever here with me, right by my side always.  Oh how sad I get over this…

And now I’m back to square one. To get a pet or to not get a pet. That is the question – should I go through it all? Is it worth it? It might be and in fact I realize it’s most likely one of those “it’s better to have loved than to not have loved at all” situations. I know it’s part of life and the happiness a family pet will bring will be greater than not having it at all but gosh… As for my dad, no more silly talk from him please. Sheesh. Not a fan of that talk whatsoever.

Live each day to the fullest my friends… and hug your parents and pets as often as you can.
Tanya.

The Communal Room

My next house will have a big kitchen.

A friend of mine who grew up on the same street as I did had several siblings. As they all grew up and grew out of the house, the parents decided to put a lot of money into one particular remodel effort and redesigned a brand new larger kitchen. This effort included knocking out walls, raising the ceiling, installing more kitchen appliances than they had before but the end result was one gorgeous, gigantic communal kitchen.

If one looks at the house today, it is safe to say their kitchen is by far the largest room in their house. It makes sense why.

The kitchen is a place where people get together and meet no matter the directions each person is going on a particular day. It is the place where people start their days and the place where people end their days. Even on the busiest of days, people will still find themselves in the kitchen at some point since everyone has to eat, even with varying schedules. One could say creating a grand bathroom is plausible if my argument holds true about people ending up in one spot at some point but let’s agree that the bathroom is missing that “come together” component which a kitchen offers and where people may end up at the same time. Agree? Thanks.

There are times I’ll drive by this friend’s parents’ house to this day and will see a head or two through the window sitting at the kitchen table in the kitchen. But it got me thinking as to how a kitchen is important and simply brings people together.

My husband and I talk a great deal about food. It can be the highlight of our day as well as the biggest disappointment. We truly enjoy yummy food. We both spend a lot of time thinking about food, talking about food and eventually end up in the kitchen making food, especially on weekends.  You’ll find us cutting vegetables, using a variety of grinders, processors, and mixers and while we make no claims to be good at what we do in the kitchen, it’s just fun for us.

In the past when Vinit would go home to visit his parents in Thailand, he would come back with a variety of packed home-cooked food his mother would make him. He would ration his mother’s food over a period of time and make it last as long as he could. Even when enough time passed and the freshness was questionable, he would tell me how much love was put into making it, so he was not about to let any of it go to waste.  So when the kitchen was far, the food made in it kept his mom close to his heart.

We live in a vegetarian household so you’ll find a variety of foods in our refrigerator and creations developed, from lentils to Italian pasta dishes to homemade falafels to sweet breakfast breads to homemade pizzas to tofu stir-fries to Mexican concoctions, to a variety of Indian dishes to fresh veggies and quinoa as a few examples. So yes, we kinda like to try it all!

As I spoke about connecting during our carpooling time, cooking in the kitchen together is another place where we absolutely love to connect as well, while over the stove or chopping red onions or mixing dough. Let it be known, there’s definitely fighting which goes on and Vinit’s favorite command to me while I’m cooking is “move, move, move” which translates to “let me stir because you are too wimpy to stir it yourself.” But it’s all in good fun and we truly enjoy it.

The best part about cooking at home is the gratifying feeling after all the hard work and preparation – the experience of having fork meet mouth with the most delicious tastes and flavors which us of all people somehow created! We get so incredibly proud of ourselves when something turns out great!

So a lot goes on in the kitchen and it doesn’t feel like a hassle, work or a task, for us since its fun and a constant journey. Although I enjoy going out and trying new places which many know about since I am the biggest fan of Yelp, I still love the homemade food and experience of it all.

Growing up I had little to no experience in being part of a kitchen. It seemed to be a chore to me and my mom was sweet enough to let me enjoy other things and interests rather than being stuck with her in the kitchen. It wasn’t until I was in college where I realized I could only eat so many subway sandwiches and Teriyaki take-out and that learning how to cook was probably a really good idea.

I began to enjoy cooking as I got older and it wasn’t until Vinit came along where I learned to love it even more and that was because he cooked so very well himself and his cooking was a lot more complicated than the standard American dishes I knew. I  had learned so much from him. He is also someone who tends to praise food, almost always, which might be his secret tactic for keeping me interested but hey, it works.

I hope to continue this practice of enjoying the kitchen so much and us cooking together for years to come and when I have kids of my own, hope we can celebrate our meals together in the kitchen enjoying our time in that common place. That is why I think my friend’s parents had the right idea all  along – the kitchen is the most important room in the house – the spot where no matter how busy everyone’s day gets, it is the place where you can always come together and connect over a homemade meal.

Cheers to enjoyable kitchens and yummy food together,

-tanya lasagne

There’s no Place like home, Thanks Dad!

As many wonderful places as there are in the world there is something super special about coming home. I enjoy traveling very much and can appreciate the beauty beyond what is in front of me, but landing at SeaTac Airport will always be my favorite thing at the end of a fun trip.

I came home to an amazing city yesterday. It was a clear day, a pleasant 70 degrees outside and I had the most breathtaking view of the Pacific Northwest from the plane.  This experience was no stranger as I look forward to flying into such a wonderful city after being away, but something hit me a little harder than normal this time.

I’m sure everyone feels this way about the place in which they call “home” as I don’t believe Seattle is the best city for everyone, but definitely best for me. While overlooking the Puget Sound and all the different islands when flying in last night I started thinking about my dad and how he probably had a lot to do with my love for this place. I think one day when I have kids of my own, being able to provide the exposure to the Pacific NW like my dad did is something which will be tough to live up to. I couldn’t be happier with the love and appreciation my dad instilled with this place in which I call home, a place I’ve known my entire life.

Here were some of my most favorite Pacific Northwest memories which I began to think about while on the plane flying in:

We went Fishing. My dad used to take us to the San Juan’s and we would go fishing and crabbing in our boat. As a child, I used to jump off the boat in the middle of the San Juan’s not realizing what I was swimming with – that meant dog fish, crab and who knows what else but it didn’t seem to bother me. For never being a seafood eater, I also had a natural knack with fishing! I remember my first fishing pole, a Snoopy fishing pole which I thought was the neatest thing in the world.

We went Canoeing. My dad used to take us to the UW Arboretum where we brought our canoe and I remember I would share a canoe with my dad when we’d go.  One time I almost flipped the canoe and remember getting into lots of trouble over that. We enjoyed this event so much, I remember!

We went Camping. Oh my, how much camping we did! My parents and grandparents had a tradition of going to West Port every year where my dad, grandfather and brothers would go out on charter boats and I would play at the campground with other kids. If I was lucky, my parents would bring my bike along which was my favorite activity. My grandmother and mom would always cook up the best camping food which was half the fun alone!

We went Skiing. As I looked at the Cascades while flying in, I remembered my dad taking us skiing and watching us at the bottom of the runs as I stumbled down, meanwhile my crazy dare devil brother flew past me and everyone else. His ski lessons paid off for sure. I started skiing when I was 8 years old and enjoyed this yearly tradition more than anything.  If only I kept it up now!

We went to the Beach. Over on the peninsula, there is a place in which I’ll never forget called Liliwaup which we liked as it was not very populated and my parents loved to go clam digging there. We took my Filipino Grandparents there one time and watched my Grandfather slurp down oysters right off the beach. We also went to Bremerton quite a bit and spent some good beach time there and I will always remember the jellyfish.

We went to Camano Island. Some of our relatives owned a former Boy Scout camp which happened to be a few hundred acres of property with log cabins and this became our official Webb family reunion location every summer. I recall going to our reunions from as young as I can remember to when I was a teenager and relatives far and near would religiously attend the reunion. Each year had a theme, i.e. Wild West, and the reunion was based on that theme. I looked forward to this every summer.

We Camped at Home and Barbequed. As soon as school was over and summer break started, I always wanted to sleep outside so my parents set up a tent in our yard and those were my quarters for the next few months, every year. As a child this was the neatest thing ever for me.  Imagine doing that now? Sadly I would be too afraid to let children sleep outside the way I used to. We also bbq’d almost daily during the summer months and put up our badminton net and croquet course each year.

We took Weekend Drives. My parents used to take us on weekend drives where my dad would show us some of the very accessible beauty just within a few hours drive.  My dad was an avid sports hunter and was quite familiar with some of the more scenic surroundings which we would get to see.

I started thinking about all of this as the view from the plane reminded me of all the reasons why I love the Northwest so much. I saw the coast, the water, the beaches, the mountains, the lakes and I believe my experiences in this area explains why I’m so crazy in love with the Pacific Northwest. I feel very fortunate and give my dad a lot of credit for keeping us very active and emphasizing the beauty and natural assets we have here.  He was born and raised in the Seattle area so having been here his entire life his wealth of knowledge was one of the best things I remember about my childhood.  As a native just like my dad, I really should be able to carry on his knowledge and traditions, too.

No matter how far I travel and all the amazing places in the world I might experience and see, Seattle will always be the most beautiful place to me, the place I will forever and proudly call home.

-Faithfully yours Washington,

Tanya

My first trip to Thailand

I write this while I’m utterly jetlagged so bare with me if most of this is incoherent, I am half asleep :)

Yes, my first trip to Thailand.  I say first because this is a place I definitely want to return to, over and over and over. I am officially in love with this country and can’t wait to explore more of Thailand in trips to come.

First impressions:

Weather: So we went during monsoon season so the weather was on the hotter and humid side. Ironically, Bangkok was quite a bit hotter than Phuket. In Phuket, the storms were very prevalent. The day consisted of a dozen weather changes from warm, clear and sunny to cloudy, downpours and thunder. Of course, I love that sorta thing.

Environment: I think for me this was most shocking and unexpected but my mom kept saying that had she not known she was in Thailand, it could have simply been another city in the US, like parts of southern California for example. She was right. It was a super clean country in every way with a tropical landscape and very beautiful. The streets and city infrastructure is also in pristine shape and maintained very well. To me, Thailand reminded me of the combination of Mexico and Hawaii. There was this constant natural fragrant smell in the air with a tropical, lush green environment like Hawaii, and with amazing food and a cute little historical town like when we went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

(photo courtesy kamran)

People: Vinit always said the people of Thailand are very modest and humble but he was not kidding. It was very apparent right away that the people were super friendly, respectful, gracious, soft-spoken and humble. I was most impressed by the people of Thailand and their warm and inviting nature made our visit even more special. The people stood out from any other place I’ve been to before.

Food: The variety of fruit here is at a level I could not possibly comprehend before this trip. In fact, I did not know so many fruit variations existed like this! It was absolutely ridiculous. The fruit in Thailand such as mango, pineapple, guava tasted so much better than in the US. Awesta and David pointed out that the food in general just tasted a little bit better than what we’re used to and they were right. Seafood is a staple here and that was very apparent which was great for my mom. As vegetarians, we never found issues ordering either and our favorite was always the sautéed vegetables. At all the restaurants we went to, we did not have one lousy experience.  The food was extremely memorable on this trip.

So as a country and a first time visitor, these were my first impressions. Now for our trip :)

Our Arrival.

We arrived on Friday, May 27^th and Papaji met us at the airport. I was sort of nervous as this was my second time meeting Papaji and Mummyji but he was very, very warm and sweet in welcoming us and I felt very comfortable right away. We drove to Ang Thong, where he and Mummyji lived and Neda got settled into the bungalow she was staying in, and we settled into our rooms in Vinit’s parents house. The house was full of relatives who had flown in from India and I was shocked to see how many were there, whom I had met last December in India. Mummyji was so sweet and it was also so nice to see my Bhabhi as well.

That evening I had mehendi applied in preparation for the reception the next day and later on Awesta and David arrived. We all had dinner (mummyji’s cooking) and then went to sleep early.

The next day, our friends including Kamran who had arrived late in the night, joined us for mummyji’s Poha and Chai and then we began getting ready for the reception. Neda, Awesta and I got our hair done in the city of Ang Thong and then they went to the venue. Everyone left and I stayed behind so Bhabhi and Mummyji could help me get ready then off we went to Ayutthaya for the reception.

Our Reception.

We arrived at our venue and I was blown away to see all the work that had gone into this event! I had no idea! There were posters made of some of our photos, the decorations were gorgeous and it suddenly hit me what we were there for, lol!

We greeted all of the guests which totaled to be around 452 and then the event started. With 2 Thai flower throwers and 2 little girls walking in front of us, we entered the banquet room and were introduced to all our guests. We were seated at our table and two Thai dancers performed a very beautiful love story through interpretative dance. After that, my friends who joined the trip from the US were introduced and thanked by Vinit’s family for making it all the way out to Thailand to be present at such an important event for us. My mom was also introduced to the audience on the stage and she was quite embarrassed you could tell. After that, the MC told the audience I was learning Hindi and handed me the microphone to speak all the Hindi words I could say. Having rehearsed this part before, I said in Hindi that I was happy to meet everybody and thanks for attending the event. I said, while I’m learning Hindi, the words I know best are related to food such as …. then listed out all the different spices, dishes and foods I knew of in Hindi. The crowd was entertained and laughing which we were hoping my poor Hindi would add a little humor to it all.

A presentation was then shown and as hard as I tried to fight the tears I couldn’t help it. The presentation started out in showing my child hood and baby photos with some text around my favorite hobbies and other things I enjoyed doing as a child with the “Barbie girl” song. The show then switched to my college graduation at UW showing photos of me playing the song “Pretty Woman” and the collection forwarded to my life as an adult with friends and family. This same sequence took place for Vinit – first his childhood photos and then young adult to current photos. After that, came the photos of us together which told a really beautiful story about our relationship.

I was so touched and emotional I just could not hide it.

We were then asked to come to the stage and that is where Papaji’s boss greeted us, gave us his blessing then gave a speech/toast about us. He talked about how our relationship was a special one, we come from two very different worlds, and the odds of us finding each other were not great, unless we were absolutely destined to be together in which case there was no doubt about that. Another family friend presented a speech and talked about how we had been together for 4 years and how important it was to have approval of our relationship. Then the MC spoke and told us that we are not alone in this world, that although we live far, with marriage there will be our tough times and that everyone in the room was our family who we could turn to whenever we needed them. That we need not feel alone.

It was truly the sweetest thing.

After that, we cut the cake and danced the rest of the night. At one point Vinit dj’d a little bit since there were some music difficulties and it was just too much fun!  I was just very touched by every part of the event and it could not have been more perfect. I truly felt lucky.

On to Bangkok.

The next morning we woke up at the resort and just us friends headed to Bangkok. We checked into the Banyan Tree in Bangkok city and were blown away by this hotel.

We went and had lunch nearby at a nice restaurant then went shopping at MBK which was a popular mall. Later that evening we went upstairs for drinks then took a cab to Mango Tree, a yummy restaurant, and then moseyed throughout the night market where we saw a lot of *interesting* things to say the least. Ping pong is quite popular in Thailand apparently. My mom stayed behind because she wanted to nap so as soon as we entered the hotel we saw my mom patiently sitting in the lobby of our hotel. Wondering what was wrong she looked at us and said “you’re never going to believe what just happened.”

Oh no. What happened, we inquired.

She told us that the room she was sharing with Neda did not have working A/C so she told the front desk.  After 5 calls to the front desk, due to her inconvenience, they upgraded her to the Presidential Suite! They also gave her and Neda 2 vouchers for a free dinner! It was hilarious! The suite was PHat with a capital PH and we were all laughing at what just happened. My mom just looked shocked and didn’t know what just happened!

Here is a silly video shows my mom giving a tour of the presidential suite that night! You’ll get a good laugh out of it for sure!

The next day our driver came to pick us up and after thinking we were going to see the Emerald Buddha, we found ourselves at the Human Imagery Museum, aka Wax Museum. We were annoyed at first since we made it clear where we wanted to go but ended up somewhere else, then decided to make the most of it and had a lot of fun with the museum!  We decided to just flow…

After that we went to see the real Emerald Buddha and palace in the center of Bangkok but it was so hot that day we felt like we were melting.

This is a photo of Vinit and Kamran wearing some super silly pants. Upon entering the palace we were told that we could not wear sleeveless or shorts so I put on my sweater and Kamran and Vinit were forced to rent pants. THESE PANTS. The funniest part was I thought we’d see quite a few people at this attraction wearing similar pants. NOT. Not a single person was wearing the outrageous pants and in fact even the Thai’s were staring at Kamran and Vinit as if they were clowns. It was just too funny.

After that, we went back to the hotel, snacked, and Vinit, Kamran and I ordered room service which consisted of pizza and phad thai.  It was perfect!

That evening Vinit and I went for a very luxurious couple’s foot massage at Banyan Tree and decided this is our new favorite hotel chain. We were addicted to the Roselle tea, the scents in everything they used on us (lotions, oils, etc) and we came home with a few nice Banyan souvenirs. This hotel is off the hook. I highly recommend it!

That evening we met with everyone at Saffron for a lovely dinner then headed up to the Moon Bar at the top of the hotel. It was mind blowing!  The view overlooked the city and we could see everything!

That night we sadly said our goodbyes to David and Awesta since we were off to Phuket the next day and they would be returning back to Canada.

Island Time!

We arrived in Phuket and were a little unsure about it since it seemed like a small town. We arrived at the Amari hotel which was okay but being we just got spoiled rotten at Banyan Tree we were being a bit pricy at first with our accommodations and started looking for a villa to rent, lol!

Distracted by the weather, we got situated in our rooms and the weather outside went from sunny and clear skies to monsoon type conditions! It was totally crazy! We ventured out into the pouring rain and went to an ocean side restaurant which was fantastic with the monsoon rain and winds in the background, it was quite fun! The next day we planned to go to Phi Phi so we went to sleep after that.

We woke up and the monsoon like weather was still going on. Unsure of how the day would progress, we talked to the concierge who told us to wait an extra day before going to Phi Phi. The latter half of the morning the weather started to clear very nicely so we went shopping in the town and then headed to the beach. Suddenly the weather shifted again and we found ourselves in an Italian restaurant ducking for cover, where we had some good ol’ Italian food. We ran back home and decided to eat in at the hotel and called it a night. We decided rain, shine, monsoon or blizzard, we were going to go to Phi Phi no matter what the next day.

We woke up ready to go and a driver picked us up for our private boat tour. We were then told the waves were going to be around 6 ft high so it was important we all be prepared for sea sickness and to take some Dramamine to help with it as it was an hour boat ride. We took the pills but I was super nervous about the whole thing. We got into the boat and the first half of it I felt terrible! Once I started slowly feeling netter (Dramamine kicked in) then my mom felt terrible, then Vinit felt terrible… We arrived to Maya Bay and my mom and Vinit lied down on the beach in trying to fight off the nausea.

We then headed around the islands for a boat tour a little bit more and were dropped off at Phi Phi where we strolled about the little market there and had pizza for lunch. At this point the weather was taking form yet again so our boat driver found us in the market and said we had to go back to Phuket right away before the weather got any worse. We all took another dose of Dramamine and were all fine on the way back even though the water was definitely choppier.

The night we went to a restaurant called White Box and had a nice modern restaurant experience and then off to sleep we went!

Back to Bangkok we go!

The next day we dropped Kamran off at his hotel as he was leaving early in the morning on Saturday and Neda went shopping with us before catching her flight.  We realized our trip was coming to an end and we were all quite sad about it.

(photo courtesy kamran)

We were a bit pressed for time so we didn’t get to do the shopping we had wanted to before Neda had to rush to the airport. We then headed back to Ang Thong for some quality time with the family but before that we did insane shopping. This is the part I wish my friends could have done with me but we had not discovered it then. We finally found the cheap and amazing shopping there we heard so much about!

Family Time.

The next few days were spent with the family while several of the relatives left for India. I had some nice chats with Papaji and one night Mummyji told us childhood stories of Vinit which were just hilarious. Papaji kept stressing the fact that he felt I was working too hard and to just take it easy, money wasn’t everything. I assured him I was enjoying everything quite a bit but that I would watch it.  He and Vinit went to get haircuts one day and after they got back Papaji said that Vinit was a really great guy and that if there are ever problems in the marriage to please never give up.  It made me sad on one hand, that the fear of divorce was apparent not just to his parents but to others in the community being that I was American.  On the other hand I could not have agreed and understood those fears better since rates in the US are so much greater than other places.  I could appreciate the reinforcement of "through thick and through thin" and I realized our relationship is a first time kind of thing for them so there were some very valid concerns.

It was a really special bonding time and I would not have traded it for anything.

It was sad when it was time to leave but I left feeling like we had a very fun filled and happy trip. It could not have been any better. I’m in love with this country and I am getting to know my in-laws more and more.

It was nice to be able to be in Thailand and spend some time with my in-laws though it felt very short.  The time was very endearing and I’m so happy with the time spent with them.  I am excited to see my relationship with my in-laws growing and there is so much love I feel between us.

As for my friends who accompanied us on the trip, they absolutely MADE this trip for me.  It was so nice having them there and I am beyond appreciative for their presence.  Each one of them who came along, made it so special for Vinit and I and I will be forever grateful to each of them.  In fact, as each friend departed, I really missed them and it made me realize just how much I treasure those close to me.  The dynamics of the group were a lot of fun too and I’m pleased with how everything turned out.

This was indeed the most wonderful trip full of moments I’ll never forget.

-Tanya

The Language of Love.

I have talked extensively about family and friends but there is another part of family, a newer side which I’ve gotten to know a lot better more recently. That family is my in-laws.

This blog is dedicated to my mother in law – the woman I’ve only recently come to know, with no common language between us, and who has completely won my heart.

I realize the dynamics of your in-laws is always a tricky situation.  It’s a tough one at times because while they are your family, your new family, they are not necessarily the family you grew up with and in my case; I have cultural, language and religious differences making it obviously tough and challenging at times.

I call her Mummyji, she is my mother in law. Mummyji is the term for mother in law but with a respectful extension attached to it. Getting tongue tied, I’ve called her mammaji, mumji and probably several other terms by accident which she has so graciously smiled and laughed at meanwhile her daughter in law sounds like a floundering idiot. It’s so embarrassing.

Whenever I’m on the phone with Mummyji, we do this thing where I immediately say “Jai Jinendra Mummyji” which is how Jains greet each other, and she replies back with “Jai Jinendra, Beta” which means, “hello my child.” It’s so cute! From there, she’ll either ask me how I’m doing or what am I doing in Hindi and in response she usually gets some interesting answers from me such as (in English):

Mummyji: What are you doing?
Tanya: I’m fine.
<Mummyji giggling on the other end of the phone>

That was the most recent one. Then what routinely happens is Vinit starts to tell me phrases to say while she too is speaking to me, and I get lost with whom to be listening to and end up blurting out random words where once again, I look like a fool.  I have a cheat sheet and when prepared, I can pull it out and carry on some generic phrases with Mummyji but I’ll need to come up with some new material soon as it’s starting to get repetitious.

The thing I’m touched by most though during our conversations is her constant reply, “koi nahi beta” which means “no problem, child” when she sees me struggling like a bloody fool.  She giggles and laughs while we try and talk and after a few minutes of me struggling, I usually give up, feeling like I’ve disappointed her yet again, and that’s where I speak to Vinit in English then he translates directly with her and she never says anything remotely critical of that process. I need to make the effort to speak Hindi with her because I know she feels so bad there is a language barrier between us at all. It breaks my heart that she feels bad because it’s obviously no fault of either of us, and we are working through it and doing the best we can.

Mummyji is remarkably sweet though. While she has this crazy daughter in law who can hardly understand or speak words which make any sense, she says the most endearing and sweetest things to me just when I need to hear it. After feeling terrible yesterday for failing badly at trying to speak Hindi to her for the 5,839th time she said to Vinit that ever since we got married, all her troubles are gone – she’s just been so happy. Just when I thought she once again lost all hope in her pathetic daughter in law, she responds to him with the most beautiful things and I’m deeply touched. When he translated what she said to me in English I burst into tears right there. He didn’t realize it as he was talking to her but then he looked up at me, saw the tears flowing and flowing and said what is wrong? I said nothing and then his eyes swelled up with tears, which he does every time I cry, never knowing why he himself is now crying.  What hit me the hardest was, how was it, my husband’s mother, who would (I’m sure) love to talk to her daughter in law but who is separated completely by language, be so happy for her son like this? The answer I came up with in my head was only a mother of pure selflessness and love could be this way. Her love is so strong and her patience is unwavering which I would think is such an amazing trait, as anyone else would probably be wishing their son married someone they could at least converse with at a basic level.

When we were in India there was an incident where the topic of me not speaking Hindi came up amongst the cousins.  We were all eating dinner together one night and I had a long day of shopping and other preparations for the wedding but it was such an exhausting day.  I sat down to eat and everyone, one by one, started scolding me about how important it was for me to learn Hindi so they wouldn’t have to speak to me in English, as they felt like they were at work when speaking English.  I had little to no patience to hear the same topic I heard from the moment I arrived in that town, so I mustard up a slight smile and said OK, and kept eating.  Truth was I felt terrible.  The more I was harassed about not knowing Hindi, the more terrible it caused me to feel.  Mummyji saw this happening and told me to go to sleep, that I must be tired – of course this was communicated using gestures as well as the word “soja” which I knew that meant sleep.  At the time I wasn’t sure if she was rushing me out of there due to her own embarrassment or if she could tell by my face how uncomfortable I was feeling.  I went off to bed and found out later that after I left she blasted everyone for talking like that to me.  She told everyone this was not the way to treat anyone in the family and that if she was OK with me not knowing Hindi, everyone else needed to be too.  Hearing how she defended me like this only made me love her more.  At that point I realized I owed it to her to learn Hindi and that I would be doing this ONLY FOR HER, my mother in law, because she was the priority amongst everyone and everything else.

Our relationship has just begun and we have a lifetime to get to know each other but I can’t wait and am absolutely looking forward to having this loving, selfless person as my mother in law, as my mummyji. Though I never would have dreamed of having these sorts of dynamics with in-laws before, I don’t think I would want it any other way.  While we struggle with language between us and try to find our way in each other’s lives, there is an enormous amount of love which brings the two of us close together. And really, what more could I ask for?

With this experience, I have realized that sometimes the language of love is far more powerful and heartfelt than of spoken language. It’s true.

-Tanya

The Cookie Jar.

It’s Christmas time and the past few weeks have been spent preparing for this holiday season.  This year, in particular, I can’t help but think about my Grandma Webb quite a bit.  It was 3 years November 30th that she has passed but she’s been on my mind a lot lately.  It’s funny how those who pass are still so alive in one’s thoughts and experiences.  As I was baking for Thanksgiving I started thinking about her, getting really curious how she did such fabulous Thanksgiving dinners all of her healthy years.  Though I recall us taking turns with hosting Thanksgiving days at either my Aunt and Uncle’s house, our house or my grandparent’s house, she was such a huge part of the Thanksgiving experience, baking everyone’s favorite pies then baking an extra favorite pie for people to take home with them afterwards.  Her cooking and baking was beyond what words could describe.  She was known for her baking and cooking.  The other thing about my grandma was, she was such an amazing woman, one you don’t meet anymore these days.  She had a calmness about her, she was such a complete lady, never having seen her lose her cool once, she was not fiesty, she was not a gossiper, a complainer, she always seemed content, she was very simple and the joy brought into her life was nothing of material things but of people and of baking.  Her spirit was a very obedient spirit.  She was so dedicated to her family and no matter how tough times may have been, one wouldn’t know as she always had a smile and just never complained.  My grandma Webb was also incredibly kind.  She was a very wholesome kind hearted person and just thinking about her I can honestly say I’ve never met another woman like her.  This little tiny petite 5’0″ small woman was nothing but an absolute perfect little lady.

In 2003 I moved back to the Seattle area, after living in Michigan a few years.  It was also a time where my Grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease so I thought it would be a great opportunity to help my family out with taking care of her.  That year was particular special during the holidays as it was the last year her and I spent all day in the kitchen at her house and made Christmas cookies together.  This was a tradition I had always done with her when I was a child, but many years had passed since I did this with her as an adult.  I  had such a strong feeling, this would be the last time I would ever get to make Christmas cookies with her so we went to her house and all day we made cookies from some of her most memorable and favorite recipes.  I recall having to help her and walk her through each step where before she was an absolute pro at baking anything, but I loved doing this so much with her that day.  From that point on, her Alzheimer’s started to worsen and each year things got increasingly more difficult so my hunch was right; we never made Christmas cookies again together.

Two weeks ago my dad gave me something that I couldn’t believe and something he had to have a long talk with me about first.  My dad gave me my grandma’s rusty old recipe box which was filled with all of her secret recipes which filled our lives with so much happiness and joy for so many years.  He cautioned me to guard this with my life and to please keep it in the family but that it was the right time in my life for me to carry on some of her traditions.  It was the sweetest gesture.  Last night, my mom and I were going through the recipes in my Grandma’s recipe box pulling out the Christmas cookies ones we wanted to make, when my mom said, wow, isn’t it weird to touch the very recipe cards she touched for so many years?  That was so true.  I definitely felt her presence in that kitchen as we baked our brains out well into the night.

So, when I was a child, and we would make Christmas cookies together, any extra Christmas cookies we made she put in her glass cookie jar.  She had a special “goodie” jar and every time I would go to my Grandparent’s house in Kirkland the first thing I would have to do, was investigate that cookie jar to see what was in it this time.  This morning as I finished making my 3rd kind of Christmas cookies, I proudly stacked the extras in my glass cookie jar, just like hers, and thought about my Grandma Webb who would have been so proud to see me carrying on this tradition with out her.  There I had it, my very own cookie jar filled with my Grandma’s cookies.

Gosh I miss her terribly.

Cheers to wonderful Grandmas out there who make the world a better place and leave behind the fondest memories never to be forgotten.  I feel so fortunate to have the amazing and wonderful grandma that I did and know God could not have given me a better Grandma.

xoxo.

Ma mère.

Wanna know a cool little factoid?  My mom, as in Tanya Talks’ mamma dearest, writes stuff too.  It’s been very cool because I’m very proud of her as she’s won writing contests and has been published even.  The most interesting part I find about her writing is a lot of her topics have to do with things she’s has never experienced.  She has learned about her subjects simply by word of mouth and talking to people.  I find this truly amazing as at times it’s hard for me to write about things I know about, let alone things I don’t.  I wanted to post a couple of her pieces in which my mother has written as I’ve begged her recently to just send me a few.  I’m not sure she knew her silly daughter was going to post them on the internet but I really love her writing style.  

 

This blog is dedicated to my mom, my most favorite writer.  Her favorite writer, of course after her goofy daughter (I’m adding this part, she’s never said this, haha!), is an American Poet by the name of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. 

 

Mom, while I may write about men being handbags, being addicted to Nabisco Cheez-Its and stealing pens from doctor’s offices, I just have to say, I adore your writing!  I really admire the talent you posses and I thank you for always reassuring me, no topic is ever a bad topic to write about.  You’ve encouraged, promoted and praised self-expression always and I really appreciate you for it – thank you!  I love you lots!

 

Your favorite and only daughter,

Tanya

 

Young Love.

Warm, as a summer day.

Joy, like a child at play.

Fresh, as a rose in May.

The gifts of love can be.

 

Bright, like a crackling fire.

Love, with its sweet desire.

Dreams, that do so inspire.

The heart that’s young and free.

 

Why?

Why among life’s happiness,

Do sullen thoughts abound?

Why through darkened tunnels,

Seeps of sunlight can be found?

 

Why for every answer,

Is a question left unheard?

Why does love survive,

Despite a spoken, unkind word?

 

Why does trust exist,

When there is so much fear to see?

Why are souls imprisoned

While yet others are set free?

 

In its perfect balance

Life must always meet the test.

Drawn to our creator,

Faith will guide us on our quest.

 

The Pilot.

–this was written for my brother—

 

Soaring high up in the sky,

Like birds and wings, I learn to fly.

To fly where no man enters in,

Except with wings all pointed high.

 

To feel the air against the plane,

And hear the winds call out my name.

The mountains would below me lie,

Surrounded by the fruits of rain.

 

Such beauty, one cannot express,

Of earth, clothed in its brilliant dress;

Of bluish waters, emerald lakes,

Seen north and south and east and west.

 

So someday, high up in the air,

I’ll take my wings where eagles dare.

And feel the glowing sunset near,

Above God’s earth, with him, to share.

 

The Hunter.

–this was written for my dad which I think is the reason this one is my most favorite JJ–

He wakes up early morn before the sun begins to rise.

The snow bites at his feet, yet there’s a glimmer in his eyes.

He carries bow in hand, his arrows slung across his back,

In search of the elusive elk crowned with its splendid rack.

 

The forest lies in silence as he glides among the trees.

A bellow pierces through the air and sends him to his knees.

With joyful, throbbing heart, the wide eyed hunter lifts an ear,

In hopes of hearing once again, the mighty moose-like deer.

 

He turns with every sound, but all his efforts are in vain,

The minutes seem like hours and his patience starts to wane.

He climbs atop a mountain ridge and gazes down below,

When suddenly he spots it,

An elk leaping through the snow!

 

It’s path crosses the hunter,

Bursting now with sheer delight.

The bow draws back with quivered aim,

He pulls with all his might.

But lo, the elk has sensed it,

As it bounds without a flinch.

The arrow soars into the air,

And misses by an inch.

 

With heavy heart he sinks

And folds his hands upon his knees,

Atop the peaceful mountain ridge,

Amid the snow-clad trees.

Moment.

–my mom wrote this for my grandparents (dad’s side – Webb) in celebrating their 50th anniversary.  I must have been around 10 years old at the time.  During the party, this was actually sung by the entire family including my mom’s youngest and very musically talented sister who flew into town just to sing this to my grandparents as a song with her guitar!– 

This moment’s very special

Because you are so dear.

We celebrate with love and joy

Your blessed 50^th year.

You’ve been an inspiration

Of what true commitment means.

You’ve shared life’s road of ups and downs.

You’ve conquered many dreams.

 

Your knowledge and your wisdom

We’ll cherish year to year.

The light you’ve shined into our world,

Will never disappear.

 

We stand forever grateful,

To both you, Mom and Dad.

You’ve given us so much of you.

You’ve shared all that you have.

 

And now from this, your children,

We’d proudly like to say,

With all our love and deep respect,

We honor you today.

And always..