Making friends in Seattle

Welcome to my Seattle-series. I’m not sure where all these Seattle-related topics are coming from lately but it’s a topic which is clearly on my mind. I hope you enjoy yet another post about Seattle.

Seattle People [sēˈatl pee-puhl ], noun, plural

Definitions:

1. Women and men, who live in Seattle, conditioned to be hermits because of the weather and therefor lack social skills when meeting new people. One time when I tried talking to Seattle People, they wouldn’t even look at me and I noticed it was raining.

2. A collection of persons, who were born, raised or live in the Seattle-area most well-known for sticking to their own and fail to branch out and meeting others. I’ve lived here for a couple weeks and do not find Seattle People very friendly yet. I have no friends here and it makes me sad.

Source: Tanya. “Making Friends in Seattle.” Tanya Talks, June 27, 2011.

I love taking the bus. The 545 is awesome because I can get to work in 20 minutes and it’s just seriously the best, no hassle commuting ever created. This morning I rode the bus and during my short ride, I eavesdropped on an interesting conversation. I know that’s terrible and I should know better than to do such a thing but hey, but they were sitting right next to me and I left my headphones at home. The conversation was between a man and a college student. It was mostly about the man’s children getting into college and him speaking with this girl asking how difficult it was to get into UW these days. Then the conversation progressed to the topic of our weather shortly before my stop. Actually, over the last few days I’ve wanted to forward my last blog on not being so down about the rain to quite a few people I’ve spoken to who’ve griped about the start to the summer. But it’s OK, not everyone needs to love the rain!

So yes, rain. They were talking about whether or not summer was actually here and during the conversation the girl rattled off some statistics to the man including:

• there are only 58 sunny days a year in Seattle (really, that many? yeay!)
• Seattle is amongst the top cities in the US with the least amount of sunshine (duh!). I wanted to say, “AMONGST the top?” Aren’t we the TOP?

So none of this data was surprising to me but at the end of the conversation I heard a very interesting comment from the wise man who said, “I believe Seattle weather shapes and conditions how people interact with each other. We never get out of our houses so our social skills are lacking, therefore we do not make new friends outside of the people we know.”

And just like that, I found my next blog topic.

As a Washingtonian, one of the biggest and most recurring complaints I hear from those who move here (in addition to weather) is the fact that it’s hard to meet people and make friends in this town. That sorta breaks my heart, too. Precisely I have heard people say that here in the Seattle area, people tend to stick to their own, groups are extremely segregated, and people really don’t branch out. I always thought that was so interesting because my mother is a social butterfly and my dad was always eager and pretty good at making new friends while I was growing up. I feel I personally don’t fall too far from the tree either in this regard and I try to be open to meeting others. Yet after all these years of hearing this, it seems this is a real perception and a constant complaint…and dare I say, most probably a true statement? So was this bus-riding-man right? Aside my own reality, is it true Seattleites could care less about making friends beyond the circle they already have? And if that’s the case is it mostly because of …. RAIN?!

Let’s dissect his social inept conditioning thing further.

What do we do when it rains? As I mentioned in the last blog, we cuddle up with a blanket, we watch lots of movies, we do indoor yoga, we make nice tea, we indulge in comfort food, we read good books, on occasion we’ll participate in a game night or muster up the energy to go out and submit to getting wet. So basically, we do indoor activities; I said it myself and I even encouraged it just a few days ago! Got it, so then according to him, because we’re inside all the time due to our weather, this prohibits us from being out there interacting with people, and therefor we are uncomfortable being social with people we do not already know. Well, that kinda makes sense. After all, it’s hard to make new friends from inside your house unless you’re a cyber-friend-maker and chances are those friendships stay online, from what I hear.

But what about those 58 days of the year when it’s nice out? Doesn’t that count for anything? What are we doing then? Well, we’re having BBQs, we’re going hiking, we’re gardening or we’re spring cleaning, but we use those precious few days to spend it catching up on outdoor activities we’ve been meaning to do, and yes it’s with people…people WE ALREADY KNOW! So one can infer from this thinking: 58 nice days are spent with people we know and the other 307 days are spent indoors in isolation, in a dark basement being antisocial, hiding (not cuddling) under a blanket. OK, maybe not that extreme but the bottom line is we’re not at all interested in making new friends and meeting others. Why? Well, what would we do together? Sun dances? Go hang out in the sun we don’t have?

But is the bus-riding-man right? Does this weather makes our social skills crap?

In places like CA or Florida, is it different? Are those friendlier places? I’m not sure but would love it if any CA or FL residents would let me know! I mean, do people on the beach talk to one another. Maybe? Or when the sun is out does this make people friendlier? If Vitamin D and friendliness have some sort of correlation, that would be very interesting and funny and I’m not ruling it out. Or is it simply that when people are out and about do they just tend to be more inviting and engaging of conversations with others because they are happier? Also, In Washington, the fact that many of us are guilty of being technology geeks does not help this cause either as that’s another indoor activity we seem to be incredibly consumed with. After all, according to Forbes, we are the most wired and connected city around. I’m starting to buy bus-riding-man’s theory about all of this. Yikes!

Let’s take another look at this situation though. What about our population make up?

Seattle is enthusiastically and admirably diverse compared to other U.S cities. Ballard has a wonderful Norwegian community; there are various Asian communities on the Eastside and in South Seattle. You’ll find Ethiopian, Arab, Ukraine, American-Indians, Hispanic or Latino ethnic groups and more spread throughout. The different groups in this area have enriched the culture here, there’s no doubt about it. But here’s the thing, when you have a lot of newly migrated groups in the area you will notice people tend to stick to what’s familiar to them and that usually means their own.

Think about it this way if you don’t understand why it is the way it is: say you moved to Zimbabwe where you had a new language, new food, where things were just done differently, and you met a few Americans there. Your first inclination would be to immediately associate and interact with the Americans you’ve met there. There would be no guess work around their culture, their food, their thinking, the way they do things – you just have a very common understanding with them automatically without even knowing much about them. This familiarity creates a connection or an almost instant friendship because you two simply relate, whereas if you only interacted with the people of Zimbabwe, you might feel like the “different one” all the time, maybe the “outsider” not even having a 1^st common language between you. I think the natural thing to do is to gravitate towards those you relate best to. Seems pretty logical, don’t you agree? So why is this so bad?

Bad or good, America is unique because it is made up of so many cultures that we are exposed to global diversity at an early start, but I think until generations get a little further along here (2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th gen) people will naturally and justifiably stick to their own. And Seattle is guilty of this indeed. I see it all the time since there are so many different cultures here!

I say this from experience as my husband is of another culture and we’ve both made some adjustments when interacting with each other’s circles and feeling like the “different one.” It’s pretty easy now and it’s safe to say neither of us feels all that different in the other’s respective circles today, but even here and there he still has to explain things to me at times and me to him, when it comes to understanding cultural nuances.

Alright…so what’s my point here?

So my point is, we have rain, and we have a diverse population being a few reasons why Seattleites are less inclined to make new friends or be all that friendly to those who’ve relocated here. Any other reasons? Probably. But I’d like to end this long, drawn out blog on this note: your current circle of friends are great but try not to miss out on an opportunity to make new friends, meet new people, and gain some new invaluable knowledge and experiences you can only get from relationships built. Rain OR Shine. Similar OR Different. There is so much I have yet to learn about Norwegians, Somalians and the Chinese. Most likely I can teach others a few things they might not have known otherwise.

So, don’t let the weather stop you because it’s really not that bad. Last I looked there were gazillion coffee shops around here where you can meet lots of new people. And one thing you have in common with those people at coffee shops is they like coffee just like you! I once heard Whole Foods has become the latest and hottest pick-up place. Folks, don’t just pick people up there but make some new friends there too! Let’s show that in this area we are inviting and warm not cold and dreary like our rainy weather!

So how do you do that? Get off your computers and get out there and go talk to one new person this week. Here’s a stretch goal: invite them to hang out, even. Whoah!

SCARY?

-Tanya

Sometimes it’s all about …. FOOD.

Sometimes it’s all about food and the people involved in the food which brings us closer together.

COOKING CLUB

Last year one of my very hip cousins, who lives in Hollywood, sent me an invite to an event she was having. I read the event and was super sad that I lived so far away and therefore could not participate. This event was the first meeting of a cooking club series she was starting which sounded like so much fun to me. My cousin is smart, she came up with a very well-thought out, logical structure to how the club meeting worked and assigned a theme and stated some rules. I was intrigued. And inspired. And we all know what happens when Tanya gets an idea. I plagiarize the hell out of it and try to do it myself!

So I tried it and I held a cooking club meeting and it was fun. I learned a lot from that meeting in how to execute it even better for the next time but sadly the next time never came. With good intentions and a fair amount of interest it would be safe to say this idea might have worked. I didn’t continue the cooking club because the idea of having it at other people’s houses and sharing the facilitator role was good, but with that you naturally lost some of the crowd since there’s a comfort level associated. The easy fix would have been for me to host the club meetings every time (as my cousin did) and I truly would not have minded that either. Well, maybe one day we’ll pick it up again but what ended up happening is the cooking club evolved into a restaurant club.

OK, SO NOW IT’S A RESTAURANT CLUB

This restaurant club idea came about when 8 friends decided we still wanted to meet up and enjoy food together and came up with this idea of trying new restaurants. Between me and one of the other guy’s in this unofficial club, we come up with the suggestions (per my bookmarked places on Yelp combined with his list) and have been going to 1 restaurant a month with the group. It’s been tons of fun and there’s no cleanup at the end of the night like with the cooking club.

Our group is a nice mix of people too. For the most part the friends within it didn’t know each other well, but we all connect very well over food and have really enjoyed this little routine we’ve started. So it’s been fun. Our next restaurant excursion is next week where we’ll be going to Poquitos in Capitol Hill and I can’t wait to try it. So that’s our restaurant club which has been fun.

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!

In addition to the restaurant club, there’s a group of us girls who started meeting up for lunch in January this year.  That lunch has since turned into a monthly dinner and because the group has several mothers or mother’s to be, this is a great opportunity to get out of the house and meet up with friends we don’t normally get to see too often!  We’ve been really consistent in doing this girls dinner now for 6 months and it’s been awesome!  It’s funny because us girls are friends because our husbands are all friends (for the most part) and we’re the ones meeting up over yummy dinners, not them, haha!

AND THERE’S A PIZZA MEETUP, TOO!

A friend of mine moved out of Seattle earlier this year but whenever he’s in town, a small group of us meet up for Pizza.  It’s quite nice and not only is there good conversation amongst friends, but we all indulge in the yummiest pizza and desserts around.  And it’s always pizza.  Yummy, delicious pizza.  We’ve made this ritual such a habit that when I see this friend the word "PIZZA" and "TIRAMISU" flash across his face to me.  I just love catching up with this friend, our little meetups and our group pizza dates.  It’s the best!  So fun!

TO COOK OR NOT TO COOK

Sometimes when you have a very low maintenance husband, cooking can be easily forgotten. As tired as I felt today I felt equally guilty for not having done much in the way of cooking since coming back from our trip and so I cooked a couple Indian dishes. The nice part about knowing how to cook Indian food and being married to an Indian man is the fact that at any point, if something else is requiring my attention (i.e. work) he can take over and finish the cooking perfectly without me worrying one bit and I know it’ll be super tasty. We had lauki and aloo tonight and both dishes ended up being deeeeelicious.  I was very pleased with how the dishes turned out and the hubby deserves some credit for that though he kept giving me all the credit for it too.  It was a bunch of, "You did a great job, no YOU did a great job, no really, you did a G-R-E-A-T JOB!"

MISSING THAI FOOD

My final random thought on food is that I miss the food in Thailand. I am craving all the wonderful fruit we had while there and mummyji’s delicious cooking. I would LOVE to be able to cook like her. I watched her make several different dishes when we were there and took notes but she has that special magical touch I’m not sure I’ll be able to replicate anytime soon. It was a special time actually, with mummyji.  Her techniques, the way she cooked and her continuously reinforcing that I can just play around with different ingredients until I get it to a point which suits me fine.  Meaning, there were no hard and fast rules, just learn through trial and error.  This is great advice too coming from the person who makes the best Indian food I have ever had in all my life.  There’s no question about it. So it was a nice time with mummyji in learning some of her secrets.

And that concludes the end of my food thoughts for the moment.  Amazing people connections over amazing food, how awesome it that?

Bon Appetite.

Tanya

The Indian in Me and the American in Him.

It’s been over 4 years now since I’ve known Vinit. If you don’t know who Vinit is yet, well he’s my husband. And he’s Indian, though I had no idea where he was from when first meeting him. I’m pointing out this level of ignorance as one would be shocked with some of the things I do today, that there was once a time where I knew nothing about his culture. See, when I first knew of this Vinit Jain he used to share an office with somebody named Fatih. Fatih was from Turkey. I had no clue who was who, was Fatih from India and was Vinit from Turkey – beats me! Even when finding out he was Vinit Jain, I still didn’t know where a “Vinit Jain” would be from. But now I know. I probably know a little too well…

As one can imagine, we have a very colorful and interesting relationship. I don’t think just any American could be married to an Indian nor do I think just any Indian could be married to an American. One would assume with my mentioned level of ignorance above when we met, I might qualify as one of those Americans who would not be suited for such a relationship but sometimes even I shock myself.

I remember when getting to know Vinit I assumed he was pretty westernized and never felt a huge need to learn much about his culture. One small example was, for the first six months of hanging out as friends we never ate Indian food together so I thought he just didn’t like Indian food. Finally one day we were looking for a place to have lunch in Seattle and I asked why he never wanted to eat Indian food when he replied, “Because you wouldn’t like it.” I assured him it was only fair to see if he was right so I asked him to take me to an Indian restaurant. We were walking around on foot in downtown Seattle and stopped in the first hole-in-the wall Indian restaurant we could find. We had lunch and well, he was right. I didn’t like it. In fact, I thought it was awful!

A few months passed and he invited me over to one of his barbecues at his house. His friends were all there and they were grilling vegetables and had ordered pizza. For starters, the vegetables and paneer (cheese cubes) had so much spice, my eyes watered uncontrollably and people kept rushing to get me tissue. The pizza was CanAm pizza, an Indian pizza, and was very spicy to me and tasted like an Indian dish on top of pizza crust. Just great, I really could not win that day. To me, it was awful yet again. I was so embarrassed not being able to eat and was mortified as his friends continuously handed me glasses of water and asked me if I was OK all night.

A few months later, I got brave enough to ask him to cook me some homemade Indian food as a third attempt. He made me chole and roti and it was love at first sight. It won my heart. I had instantly fallen in love with … chole and began craving it after that day. One night on my way home from work I thought so much about the chole he had made that I went and bought some garbanzo beans. And a jar of salsa. And a tomato. As well as some tortillas from the grocery store. I truly believed, like a lot of American dishes, I could figure out a work around rather than having to buy each and every real ingredient for chole and could replicate the dish he made. Ha, what a joke! I made the most bizarre concoction that night which I never told him about. It was pretty awful and I kept that little secret to myself (till now). But I was suddenly a lot more interested in Indian food. It was actually really yummy! The next time I visited his house I asked him to cook for me again. This time he made toor daal which is a lentil dish. Once again, I fell in love with…daal just like I did with the chole. I’m talking head over HEELS, crazy in love with… daal – lol! I did not even attempt to try to make this one at home but as he continued to cook me Indian food during my visits, I continued to realize that there was this other side to him I knew very little about, a very delicious aspect to his culture.

He started opening up to me as I became very inquisitive about India and he started teaching me about some of the traditions, the food, the people, and the culture. I listened very carefully. He would speak in Hindi often to his friends when I was around and I started asking about words I continuously heard. He wore a red threaded bracelet and I was incredibly fascinated about this threaded bracelet and wanted to know why he wore it. Vinit is also a vegetarian which was nothing new to me but his particular sect does not eat egg and in some cases, no root vegetables either. I wanted to understand that more, too. I asked question after question after question and I soaked this information up. He never got tired of me asking questions and I never got tired of learning. I had this burning hunger to understand more and he was very patient with me teaching me everything I wanted to know. As opposed to months before this, I finally realized he was very much from India and I was very much an American.

What also continued to remind me of our differences was when I would share this information with my friends they would think some of these things were so strange. But how come I didn’t think it was strange? I began to understand the basis behind a lot of things he did or the way he lived, and everything started to make a lot of sense to me. I accepted everything including the negative things which would come about if he and I were to ever become a real couple. I even started to understand that, the reasons behind it and I refused to judge it as easy as that would have been. Our story continued and after months of contemplation, we decided there was no other way for us. Differences or not, we needed to be together. So what did that mean exactly?

This means I have dedicated my life to loving the values and roots in which Vinit has, and everything that comes with it.

• Saturday mornings there’s nothing I love more than having poha and chai.
• I am able to eaves drop on conversations going on at work (in Hindi) and understand a lot of the context with what’s being said.
• I sing along to my coworkers Bollywood music in their cars when we go out to lunch and they laugh the entire time. Especially when they ask which movies the songs came from and I’m right!
• The days of cookies and pastries have become a thing of the past. Bring on the kaju katli and ladoos.
• I bring a tiffin to work with matris as my snacks whenever we have them in the house.
• I have a whole section in my closet dedicated to my Indian attire.
• Onion choppers are the best invention ever.
• I now wear a red threaded bracelet, just like the one he wore when we met.
• I just about jump out of my skin when I hear people say, “Does Vinit speak Hindu and is he Hindi?”
• I still crave chole & roti regularly only now I’m the one who cooks it – the Indian way.
• I eat everything on my plate, not wasting food anymore.
• I just LOVE my Indian tax guy who asks me during tax season, “How much do you want THIS year?”

But I’m still an American girl, as much as I’ve adopted my husband’s culture. Yes, I’m indeed, still an American girl.

• After the 6-month promotion ends with the cable company, I pay full price.
• I do not do research on insurance companies and compare rates for weeks.
• I crave pasta and pizza often.
• I talk very graphically, openly, and bluntly when with my girlfriends, about all things.
• I don’t overwork.
• I watch movies by myself in the theatre.
• On my bed, I still have a bottom sheet, a top sheet and then the comforter.
• I really love pets, like REALLY love them.
• I am usually brought to tears when I see people in poverty.
• I put leftovers in Tupperware, not in bowls with plates as lids on top.
• Garbage goes in trashcans.
• Green chilies are still not my friends.
• I have not developed a liking for achaar yet.
• I “knock” on wood rather than “touch” wood.

Although I’m American, Vinit has kept his cultural ties close to his heart.

• He wakes up in the wee hours of the night to watch a full cricket match on his computer, which is playing in India.
• He schedules his activities around friend’s dinners and any other occasion which involves Indian food.
• He wears slippers in the house from the time he reaches the doorstep till the time he leaves the house.
• He’ll stretch $10 over the course of two weeks.
• He believes rice, mangoes and potatoes are too unhealthy while I still view them as healthy foods.
• He’s still getting used to the do-it-yourself tasks around the house rather than hiring people to do those things for you.
• Putting our kids in “public” schools one day seems like a nightmare to him.
• He claims he’ll never give up his Indian citizenship.
• He thought Slumdog Millionaire was an average or slightly below average movie.

Saying this, he’s also extremely open to my culture and all that comes with it:

• He craves pesto pasta regularly.
• He loves my family as colorful and eccentric as they all are, and very different from his own.
• He doesn’t even blink an eye if I want to enjoy a latte every day.
• He’s open to group situations with all my friends, all Americans (or almost).
• He loves American music in addition to Indian music.
• He drinks diet coke.
• He respects my religion and has been great about attending church with me.
• There are no male/female defined roles in our house other than the child bearer.
• He packs my lunches.
• He’s slowly learning Tom the cat will never bite him.
• Instead of asking me to cook with green chilies or red chili powder he finds work around to get spice into his food such as using achaar (pickled-mango).
• He demands we not go to Hindi movies on opening nights even when I beg, as he claims they all just copy American movies anyway.
• He’s ok with settling here in the U.S for good.

So these are just a FEW of the examples where one can see how much we have to give and take with being together. It’s a two-way street but we’ve always had fun doing it and have approached it in a very positive and open way. We have a long life and journey ahead and I believe our attitudes and approach have well-equipped us for the continuous learning and challenges we’ll face.

At times it’s not that easy though. In trying to play on each other’s team, we are often pulled off our own teams by others and suddenly categorized, even criticized, for integrating the way we have. We’ll often hear people say he’s too Americanized now or that I’m too Indian now. I’ll be the first person to describe all the ways in which Vinit is NOT Americanized and he will be the first to describe all the ways in which I’m definitely NOT Indian, but we get this all the time due to our efforts in trying to assimilate and remove borders between us. Of course we get it in the other way too. I remember last year I was downright scolded and embarrassingly told by one of our Indian friends that it was “high time” (a commonly used phrase) to learn Hindi and why didn’t I know the language by now. I will always remember the person, an Indian girl, who jumped in and saved me on that conversation and said, but why. Why should she have to learn it, she’s absolutely fine and has already done a lot to be part of the culture. And I’ve always wanted to learn it, but before our relationship became more permanent, I was not sure of the level of investment when this conversation took place. It happens with Vinit too – at times my friends or family will ask why Vinit is approaching something a certain way or doing something opposed to a way in which they’d do it, or any American would normally do it. I have to explain and clear up the reasons behind it, even though it’s not always well understood.

Through it all, I can honestly say as a couple we get it. We understand what it is we have to do for each other in meeting each other’s expectations and in having a harmonious life together. It’s a mutual sacrifice on both sides and I know for me personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Bring on the entertaining Bollywood, the tasty masalas, the beautiful sarees, but please bear with me as I mess up movie names such as Bache Haseeno as well as famous DJs – DJ Sudeko or Akbi Sambar. As for Vinit, though I’m sure he’s learning quite a few new things, such as clarifying American expressions with me often, I don’t see the Indian in him dying down anytime soon. I’m pretty sure it’s here to stay, THANK GOD.

So cheers to true love, open minds, fulfilling lives, beautiful hearts, and the courage to be different…
-Tanya

My Love, My iPhone.

I realize I’m a bit late in piling on the iPhone love as most everyone has said all there is to say about how great this device is, but I swear, my iPhone does not cease to amaze me. I just love my iPhone. I just really love it. In thinking about all it’s uses, I simply had to track back, a typical day for me.

My morning ritual begins by waking up, searching for my iPhone half asleep eyes closed, finding it, then reading my mail both personal and work. Once that is completed I go directly to my Associated Press and New York Times apps catching up on the morning news. I then move on to checking Facebook at which point my husband wakes up wanting in on all the fun and that is when I hand it off to him and I jump in the shower. He proceeds to use the iPhone to check his favorite stocks, see how the NYSE is doing that particular morning, and finds out the latest cricket scores. He refreshes his favorite sites about 5 more times and that is when I get out of the shower. He gets up, gets out of bed and hands the phone back to me and I’m now in my Calendar, making sure I don’t have any special meetings I have to be at that morning.

We carpool to work and the whole ride there, I am using my phone to make phone calls, I’m setting up my next eyebrow waxing appointment, and I’m even catching up with friends I owe phone calls to, as I prefer to do these things in the mornings now that I don’t have to focus on the traffic which we saw was red before even getting on the road (courtesy the iPhone traffic app). I get to work, sit my phone down in front of me in it’s special spot, then realize the network is down once again.

I pick my phone back up and resort to the handy dandy super speedy AT&T 3G data connection and check mails there instead. The network is back so I set my phone down in it’s special spot again, and continue working. An hour later my screen lights up and I’ve received an update on my phone that a friend just sent me a Facebook message. Minutes later my Windows Live Messenger shows a delayed notification that I have received a new Facebook message in my hotmail.

A few hours pass when a reminder pops up on my phone telling me I have a hair appointment with Tony in two days. That was 1 of 2 reminders configured for that appointment. I get a few more notifications throughout the day on my iPhone, including the latest news in Haiti from my AP alerts and before I know it, it’s time to go home. Around 6:15pm, I receive a text message on my iPhone from my husband which reads “here” and I’m out the door.

I get in the car when he suggests we see a movie. Him taking my phone from me and now in his possession, he opens the Bing app for iPhone then speaks the name of the movie and location and within a few seconds we have our movie time. Since we have some time to kill, we decide we want to stop by Kasala, a nearby furniture store as we’re looking for a new sofa. I’m not quite sure what time Kasala closes yet with my handy dandy iPhone, we have all store information, realizing the store closed at 6pm. Shoot – good thing we didn’t have to go there to find that out.

We watch the movie then head back home and set the alarm on the iPhone before going to bed. We then place the beautiful white device under one of our pillows and off to sleep we go until the sound of guitar strings wakes us up in the morning. This is a very typical day with our baby, the iPhone.

This phone is such a huge part of our lives, for both of us though the husband is a proud Windows Mobile user. But this iPhone is bigger than that – I swear it’s not even a phone. This phone is our child, the Apple of our eye (no pun intended) something we both pay a lot of attention to and take care of. This phone is our friend, always keeping us in touch with those most important to us. This phone is our parent, reminding us where we need to be and never letting us forget things. This phone likes us. We like this phone and the uses of this device go beyond what I thought a phone would ever do for me. This device brings us so much joy.

And it’s so pretty!! It’s so sleek and did I say pretty?

So tonight in discussing my favorite gifts from Vinit in the past year, the iPhone made it to number 1 quite instantly, though my husband reminded me a diamond ring should count for something. LOL.. woops, I forgot about that. Not sure I’m convinced either. :)

So yes, I have much love for my iPhone. It really is my second love.

-Tanya

The Cookie Jar.

It’s Christmas time and the past few weeks have been spent preparing for this holiday season.  This year, in particular, I can’t help but think about my Grandma Webb quite a bit.  It was 3 years November 30th that she has passed but she’s been on my mind a lot lately.  It’s funny how those who pass are still so alive in one’s thoughts and experiences.  As I was baking for Thanksgiving I started thinking about her, getting really curious how she did such fabulous Thanksgiving dinners all of her healthy years.  Though I recall us taking turns with hosting Thanksgiving days at either my Aunt and Uncle’s house, our house or my grandparent’s house, she was such a huge part of the Thanksgiving experience, baking everyone’s favorite pies then baking an extra favorite pie for people to take home with them afterwards.  Her cooking and baking was beyond what words could describe.  She was known for her baking and cooking.  The other thing about my grandma was, she was such an amazing woman, one you don’t meet anymore these days.  She had a calmness about her, she was such a complete lady, never having seen her lose her cool once, she was not fiesty, she was not a gossiper, a complainer, she always seemed content, she was very simple and the joy brought into her life was nothing of material things but of people and of baking.  Her spirit was a very obedient spirit.  She was so dedicated to her family and no matter how tough times may have been, one wouldn’t know as she always had a smile and just never complained.  My grandma Webb was also incredibly kind.  She was a very wholesome kind hearted person and just thinking about her I can honestly say I’ve never met another woman like her.  This little tiny petite 5’0″ small woman was nothing but an absolute perfect little lady.

In 2003 I moved back to the Seattle area, after living in Michigan a few years.  It was also a time where my Grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease so I thought it would be a great opportunity to help my family out with taking care of her.  That year was particular special during the holidays as it was the last year her and I spent all day in the kitchen at her house and made Christmas cookies together.  This was a tradition I had always done with her when I was a child, but many years had passed since I did this with her as an adult.  I  had such a strong feeling, this would be the last time I would ever get to make Christmas cookies with her so we went to her house and all day we made cookies from some of her most memorable and favorite recipes.  I recall having to help her and walk her through each step where before she was an absolute pro at baking anything, but I loved doing this so much with her that day.  From that point on, her Alzheimer’s started to worsen and each year things got increasingly more difficult so my hunch was right; we never made Christmas cookies again together.

Two weeks ago my dad gave me something that I couldn’t believe and something he had to have a long talk with me about first.  My dad gave me my grandma’s rusty old recipe box which was filled with all of her secret recipes which filled our lives with so much happiness and joy for so many years.  He cautioned me to guard this with my life and to please keep it in the family but that it was the right time in my life for me to carry on some of her traditions.  It was the sweetest gesture.  Last night, my mom and I were going through the recipes in my Grandma’s recipe box pulling out the Christmas cookies ones we wanted to make, when my mom said, wow, isn’t it weird to touch the very recipe cards she touched for so many years?  That was so true.  I definitely felt her presence in that kitchen as we baked our brains out well into the night.

So, when I was a child, and we would make Christmas cookies together, any extra Christmas cookies we made she put in her glass cookie jar.  She had a special “goodie” jar and every time I would go to my Grandparent’s house in Kirkland the first thing I would have to do, was investigate that cookie jar to see what was in it this time.  This morning as I finished making my 3rd kind of Christmas cookies, I proudly stacked the extras in my glass cookie jar, just like hers, and thought about my Grandma Webb who would have been so proud to see me carrying on this tradition with out her.  There I had it, my very own cookie jar filled with my Grandma’s cookies.

Gosh I miss her terribly.

Cheers to wonderful Grandmas out there who make the world a better place and leave behind the fondest memories never to be forgotten.  I feel so fortunate to have the amazing and wonderful grandma that I did and know God could not have given me a better Grandma.

xoxo.

Office Flossing.

I went to the dentist about a month ago.  The hygienist cleaned my teeth then proceeded to have the following dialogue with me using a very serious, low and concerned tone:

“Look, you seem like a girl who takes care of yourself and someone I’d consider healthy.  Well, you have beautiful teeth and I don’t want to tell you this if you don’t want to hear it.  Please just tell me now if you don’t want to hear what it is I’m about to say.” From this I sat up in the chair with my eyebrows raised, my ears perked up, incredibly nervous and curious to know what she was going to say next.  I replied, “No, no please continue!”  In a low, now almost trembling voice she continued, “I just have to tell you this.  If you never brush your teeth again, make sure you do one thing and one thing only.  Floss your teeth.”  I sat back down in the chair laughing inside at what she was telling me.  She went on to talk with both eyes closed, nostrils slightly flared, and in full concentration.  She complained that not enough people flossed out there and how upsetting it was to her.  She repeated, “Look, I’m not trying to sound like a nag and I really don’t want to waste your time nor mine…" lt suddenly felt like I was in a relationship and we were trying to define next steps … "but you don’t want to get older and have gum disease because then nice teeth won’t matter.”  I replied in an equally serious voice, “I really appreciate such concern.  Thank you so much for emphasizing the importance of flossing – you’re not wasting your time.”  And she wasn’t!

She was right, I did not floss enough at all, it seemed only when something was stuck in my teeth.  She sighed a deep breath and then said to me, “Look Tanya, I’m really not trying to be hard on you but this is for your own good.  This is your LIFE, Tanya!  Your LIFE!!”  I sat there and nodded almost frightened at this point – she used my first name, I was definitely in trouble now.  She continued, “I just see so many people coming in here with gum disease which could have been avoided.”  She’s now looking in the other direction as if tears are about to swell up in her eyes.  I replied, “No, really – it’s your job to tell me this, it’s OK!  I really appreciate that you care so much.”  She continued, “I mean ultimately we all do what we want to do and I have no control over your life and the choices anybody makes out there.  So if you don’t want me to talk about this ever again I won’t. Just be honest with me!”  I interrupted, “No really, it’s OK to be upfront with your patients, you have to be, it’s for our own good!” 

She then ran her fingers through her hair shuffling up her bangs, took a deep breath then said in a refreshed voice with a brand new smile on her face, “OK, good.  I feel better.”  I replied, “Yes!  Me too!  I feel better too! I feel GREAT!”

It seemed most appropriate after having such a serious and emotional conversation we should have parted ways with at least a hug, but instead I got up and walked out the door as my appointment was now over.

It’s been days later since we had this chat and guess what I do daily in my office now?  I FLOSS, BABY!  I FLOSS!  After all, this is MY LIFE! And honestly this flossing business at your desk is like the best thing ever.  It’s so easy!  While I’m thinking about something, I’ll floss.  While I’m waiting for a meeting to start, I’ll floss!  I can floss while on the phone or floss while catching up on emails!  Have you ever flossed while driving?  It’s perfect!  I had no idea flossing was going to be this easy.

No one had ever communicated the seriousness of flossing to me in this tone, using these words, with this level of seriousness.  And guess what, guys? IT WORKED!  Thanks to my wonderful hygienist, I just saved my gums!  She is going to be so proud of me next time I see her, that’s all I have to say!

-Tanya the born again flosser

My Relationship, My Handbag.

My views of relationships are neither right nor wrong. They are my views. And you can certainly disagree with my views. But today I want to talk about my view on relationships. For the record, I’m still unmarried with no children so feel free to navigate away from this page now if you feel necessary.

In short, it has taken me years to be able to articulate this but I finally realized while thinking recently, my relationship is my accessory. It is that beautiful handbag I want to carry daily. It’s that favorite pair of shoes which puts the entire outfit together perfectly. My relationship is my new make-up which I just bought and am so excited to put on. My relationship is that little extra added glamour. So, my relationship is only my accessory. It does not define me nor complete me. It simply compliments the person who I am at the core and it makes me that much better. And doesn’t just makes me better, I actually feel good because accessories should not hurt or make things worse. When a cute pair of long dangly earrings is hurting you after a long night out, you don’t continue wearing them. You take them out. But the cute diamond stubs which seem to never bother you, now those are the ones you can wear for days. Let’s be honest, at times earrings are going to hurt – it happens, but don’t always pick the ones which hurt so badly and so often, they are more of a disadvantage than advantage. There’s too many pairs of earrings out there to put up with that.

It has taken me a long time to figure out what works best for me — you see, I can be fickle…and picky. And extremely indecisive overanalyzing something to pieces as it crashes and burns up in flames right before me not knowing how this happened yet again. I admit I’m typically responsible for my own outfit disasters, picking out very good accessories, but never knowing how to carry them off or when to wear them. One time I went in thinking it was fur when really it was faux. I realized today, however, things are finally coming together for me and my ability to figure out my best accessory is finally here. It’s making more sense every single day. I’ve needed to learn this, once and for all.

A relationship does not define me the same way a winter scarf should not take all the credit for your well put together outfit. You can live without that scarf… but you cannot live without your pants!  Same rules apply here too. You will never hear me shouting the words “you complete me!” because these are all things I feel we are responsible for taking care of on our own. But I do believe a relationship is something that when at its best, can make you that much better as a person. It can make you want to do things you’ve never done before. It can create an understanding and openness you’ve never thought to explore. When the right relationship comes into your life, you’re on your best behavior because you want to be – after all, this is your favorite accessory – why tarnish its glamour? I realize I’m materializing something very personal but perhaps this is the only way it makes sense to me right now.

With the relationship I’m currently in, I have to say I honestly respect this accessory a great deal. I feel absolutely fine with who I am but I feel so amazing and that much better when in the presence of this accessory. The way this accessory works with all my clothes never ceases to amaze me. But this did not happen overnight mind you. I’ve tortured myself and the accessory with the left-over residual pieces from my past, making the entire outfit clash at times. On occasion, I too have had to be patient with this accessory as they figured out how we fit in each others worlds. But this time I finally found an accessory strong enough and durable forcing me to be my best. I finally woke up and realized in order to receive the full benefits of this accessory, I would have to confront the beauty in this relationship, acknowledge it in all its wonderfulness and no longer be afraid or I better be on my way.  If I’m going to carry the Louis Vuitton, I better leave my walmart wallet at home (I don’t really have a walmart wallet.  Nor a Louis Vuitton :))

So my advice for anyone out there confused about what a relationship should be to you, please consider this. Keep relationships in their proper perspective and don’t expect more than you should from it. A relationship is your accessory and as long as you understand that, and accept your wonderful self at the core, only then can you be that much more amazing with your accessory in your life.

Afterall, a nice bag and cute shoes don’t count for anything when you left your pants at home.

This blog entry is dedicated to my most dazzling and favorite accessory yet… xoxo

Why Isn’t She Calling Me Back

I’ve written about this topic before, but it never ceases to amaze me how often I hear this story. I’m sorry guys, I have to write about it once more and promise this is the final entry on this topic.

I have a friend who has been forwarding emails to me she’s been receiving from a guy who is very interested in her. Every time he calls and leaves her a voicemail, she’ll tell me about those too. My friend met this guy a few months ago and after two dates she realized due to fundamental differences (he hates chocolate AND coffee) and lack of conversation chemistry, this was likely not going to be “the one,” though she claimed him to be very nice and attentive. Because the two of them went out on only two dates, she did not feel it necessary to get into the ever so UN-fun conversation as to why she’s not interested. Instead, she decided to take a more gentle and relaxed approach and told him, “Hey, I’ll be busy for a VERY long time so let me contact you.” But this did not stop him. Post-explanation (this entire past month), my friend has continued to ignore his multiple and continued efforts with him still asking her out both via voicemail as well as emails in which she has not responded to. Nope, not even one of them. Here we are today, a new email just arrived in her inbox as of just a few minutes ago, and adding yet another mark to his MANY attempts from previous weeks and both of us sit here conversing over IM asking, “Are you kidding me? How can he not get it??”

I felt compelled to blog about this and explain why some of us handle things the way we do and why guys should quit being HUGE idiots.

Here’s the thing – I know its tough math but a girl you dated twice… who has not picked up any of your calls AFTER she told you she’s indefinitely busy… has not replied to any of your emails… has not contacted you herself over the past month, I hate to say this as I think you’re great too even though you’re acting like an IDIOTTTT, is well.. are you ready to hear it? Dude, like seriously, she’s probably not interested. OK, not even ‘probably’ but a NO, she’s definitely not interested. Persistence pays, I get it as I love that phrase too, but for some of us out there, even persistence will never pay in the end. You’ve got to let it go and accept your fate. Just like you guys, when a girl is interested you’ll definitely know. When we’re interested we’ll do super crazy things like accept your phone calls, answer your emails, we might even go as far as to say “yes” when you ask us out on that 3rd date, if we’re in a good mood that day. No, but seriously, I can promise you this – if we’re interested there will be no such rejection like what my friend is doing with this guy for so many weeks.

But if we aren’t interested, please read between the lines and understand our silent messages which are pretty obvious. If you’re waiting for us to verbally tell you this, get over it. If you deep down do get it, accept it. If you cannot accept it, please just ask us if your thinking is right. Often times we don’t like to initiate these conversations but we’re OK having them. But as much as you want to ignore the signs, your self-respect is diminishing in our eyes by the day and now we’re upset we wasted two dates on such an idiot!! Look, I’m not claiming to be an expert in relationships or women but I can only try and help based off my experiences and people I know.

So here’s a list of signals girls might convey if they are not interested in you. Please make note that this is not an exhaustive list but covers a few basics:

· She might not answer or return your calls
· She might not respond to text messages
· She might not respond to emails
· She might tell you she’s indefinitely busy and to let her contact you
· She might say you are like a brother to her
· When going out, in groups or just you two, she might like to keep huge distance from you
· She might talk about how hot she thinks X guy is
· She might ironically hate everything you just told her you loved
· She might tell you she’s looking for more FRIENDS bolding the FRIENDS in her words
· She’s suddenly going “out of town”
· She might tell you she’s not in “the right mental space” for dating at this time
· She might tell you she’s a transient only living here temporarily and may be moving to Germany
· She might tell she’s not over an ex yet
· Are you the one to always initiate contact? If you don’t, notice how she never does… ding ding!
· And of course, the classic line… “work is really busy right now”
· If she has ever texted you, you will see no smiley’s in her texts :)

Alrighty! Clear as mud? On the contrary here’s how to tell if she is in fact interested in you. Please make note that this is not an exhaustive list but covers a few basics:

· When you call, she answers, and if she doesn’t, she calls shortly after with a real crisis on her hands at the time in which you called
· When you ask her out on a date, she exclaims YES! before you’ve finished your sentence
· She feels like a clingy cat when you two are out in public, purring next to you, giving you “the eyes”
· When you send her emails, no matter the hour, you get a response within minutes with a signature that reads, “Sent from my Windows Mobile® phone”
· Somehow marriage and number of children she wants has entered the conversation
· You don’t usually hear her talk about other hot guys
· She tells you she’s had a lot of time to self-reflect on other relationships and is now ready to date seriously
· She’s usually available any and all evenings you ask her out and if not, has a really good reason
· She has a list of ideas in which she suggests when you tell her it’s her night to choose where to have dinner

This just gives you a tiny idea as to how to tell if she’s interested or not. One thing I must call out, these rules are by no means gender specific either.

Ladies, I beg you to get a clue as well and please don’t waste the pretty on a guy who’s trying to tell you in whatever way that he’s not interested. If he’s not booking the next date at the end of the night, don’t waste your time. This truly means he doesn’t like you enough and it’s a complete waste of your time! There are a zillion people out there waiting to meet you. That goes for you too, men out there! Get out there and meet some women who really like you! You are so awesome and should spend this energy on someone who knows it. But quit being an idiot and quit bothering the people who are blatantly trying to ignore you. A month of not answering your calls??? Geez, come on! GET A FREAKIN CLUE, YOU BIG IDIOT!!! I almost don’t feel sorry for you.

OK, after the 54th blog entry on this topic, I hope it’s clear now. Thanks.

Cheers to getting a clue out there!

Tanya

The field we think twice about…

This blog is going to come off sounding wrong but I don’t care how it sounds. I think McCain is an idiot so whatever… But please know this is not written as a reflection of me thinking I’m just SO cool I can barely see straight, dudes. Basically if you’re a female out there over the age of 16 you’ll understand this for sure.

SOOO… I try and have tried to avoid participating in the group of people out there who feels it is absolutely necessary to identify oneself as being “in a relationship” on Facebook when in a relationship in real life. I have always pride myself in staying away from that whole thing because I really like being Tanya. Not “Tanya” from “Seattle” who’s “In a Relationship.” But I’m finding this becoming harder and harder to avoid. My reasons for leaving this blank have always been the same:

A) I hate labels. I’m so much more than a label.

B) Until I’m married I decided to leave that field empty.

C) I just like to keep my business private.

D) I’ve seen too many updates in the feed where someone is suddenly single, no longer in a relationship or what have you and the chatter begins. If that happens I just don’t want to be bothered, reminded, or questioned.

… HOWEVER…the random strange friend requests… the spark notifications that “so and so is interested in you”… even acquaintances of mine who know me but don’t ever ask me what my status is and instead ask me out, don’t have any clue since I’m not that broadcasting type of girl. But I don’t know if I’m ready to take that “in a relationship” step anytime soon. And I’m not certain I’ll publish who it’s with.

We’ve talked about it before but I don’t know I’m convinced it’s necessary. And he’s just cool beans with whatever so it’s not like he’s saying “hey you little woman here… help me mark my territory!” I mean we are two super chill laid back people about it. But I feel publishing my status before I’m married is so silly for me to do, risking the change in status at any given point. I might as well give out my social security number and weight on Facebook too while I’m at it. It’s just silly. I guess I could always utilize the "It’s Complicated" option but there’s nothing complicated about it at all. I do realize and accept I’m in a relationship!

Shoots… And what does it mean to really be in a relationship? I’m technically in relationships with a lot of people, so why can’t I list out all those people having to only pick ONE on Facebook. Romantic relationship then? Define romantic! I’ll challenge that! And no one ever called it a romantic relationship on Facebook now did they… so why are we so assuming of its intended purpose?!

Honestly, I think I’d rather use my photos as a way to send a message than any relationship status field could offer. I realize that seems very passive/aggressive here but at least when you remove photos, that is not published in a public feed J Ahhh, feeds. Gotta love feeds. Well, I do, I do! But that’s another story. So, maybe I’m making this a bigger deal than it really is. After all, most people use this field very freely and easily… wow. What to do, what to do…

Look, no status! YAY!!

-Tanya Status-LESS.

My life as an American.

Recently it has been brought to my attention that I do things oddly, I say things differently, and I also eat weird things.  I have various circles of friends but lately I have found myself spending a lot of time with a circle of friends I really celebrate and adore for being different.  Needless to say I am one of the few Americans within the circle and I am often perceived as just being strange… or simply put… just another  “American.”  Now it’s weird at times not only from my side but others as I physically I look multi-ethnic though culturally I’m a definite American, there’s no denying that.  So, I wanted to write this blog as a dedication to myself, who I am, where I’m from, why I do things as I do, how I see things, what I eat and how I feel, all as an American.  This is my experience.

Here’s a list of things I do as an American which don’t always make sense to others:

·          I enunciate my R’s
·          I can barely roll my tongue
·          When I speak it’s not at all nasal
·          Starbucks coffee IS real coffee
·          I don’t put salad plates on top of bowls of leftover food to cover them when in the refrigerator
·          I call a refrigerator just that, not an icebox
·          I use a fork when I eat
·          I use terms such as “cool beans” and “awesome”…
·          I say the word process pronounced “pra-sess” and a banana is a “bah-naa-nah”
·          When I move locations, I don’t call it “shifting”
·          I prefer to eat dinner around 7pm, not 11pm

Yep, I am an American.

·          I use and love duvet covers
·          I’ll usually tell my family what I’m doing, I don’t ask for their permission now that I’m an adult 
·          When traveling to other countries, I’m highly regarded or highly hated – thanks dear Mr. President
·          Pets are awesome!
·          Girls who play sports is healthy
·          I don’t give a flying fish what most people think, especially in my community – WHAT community? 
·          I won’t judge you or think you do “weird” things if you are not from here
·          I’ll not stare at you like a creature from outer space just because we’re different
·          Yes, divorce exists but get over it – and not ALL Americans do it
·          I can get my point across without yelling or acting as if it’s the end of the world
·          And no, we’re not ALL as stupid as you think.. really..

But I do love and appreciate culture, as many of you know.

·          Family values are weak in America; I agree with this perception and will work personally to never be like that
·          Some of the food from around the world is way tastier to me than some of the bland food we eat here
·          What happened to helping thy neighbor and why have we become so consumed with ourselves?
·          There’s nothing more beautiful in this world to me when two cultures come together and unite, and this is unbiased I promise
·          A lot can be learned from across the world, we never appreciate all that we have 
·          Joint family living creates a closeness we can’t even fathom
·          Music from around the globe is just PHENOMENAL
·          We’re all in this together just trying to survive and make it, why the judgments and blind prejudice?

But at the end of the day, I’m still an American.  I am curious about things and people who are unlike me but I never want to change who I am or where I’m from.  You may find me adopting values, activities, foods such as tim tams, hi-chews, mathri and milka.  You’ll definitely find me making friends of all sorts but at the end of the day I may still say “representative” differently than you.  And that’s OK.  I’ll always be an American and I love and appreciate so many things about this nationality…I have freedom and a voice and I am not afraid to be uncovered or heard.  Aside the judgments, in my book Americans are still “awesome” and definitely “cool fricken beans.”  But I’ll appreciate you and our friendship together as different as we might be… because together, there’s nothing we can’t do.

*Disclaimer: My opinion is not necessarily the opinion of the American masses and is only based on my personal experiences and observations. -Tanya