The Perfect Validation

Today I was chatting back and forth with Vinit via GTalk when I decided it would be nice for me to wait for his kouply meeting to end and give him a ride home rather than him take the bus. Although he encouraged me to go directly home anyway after work (we carpool every day), I felt bad that most of his day commuting was via Microsoft shuttles.  So I decided to hang out at the kouply headquarters while he had his kouply meeting.

In case you are not aware of where the kouply headquarters is, it is located at Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble store in Bellevue. You will often find kouply employees gathered around discussing features, making live code changes and conducting feature prioritization sessions.

So this is where my Vinit is at in the evenings… all of the time.

When I arrived, I found a cozy chair and booted up my laptop, trying to be as non-distracting as I possibly could.  After 20 minutes of connectivity challenges with multiple wireless repairs and a few reboots, a woman sitting next to me asked me how she could connect her laptop to the wifi there at Starbucks, too! Being I was having terrible challenges myself, I thought this was the perfect time to see if my issues were isolated to just me, or to the broader public.

I tried connecting her machine to the AT&T wifi and had no luck, seeing the same errors being thrown I was seeing on my own laptop. After a few minutes I decided to consult with the big guns and interrupt their meeting by walking over to the kouply employees (techy nerds).  I told the kouply guys that both myself and this lady were having the same issue and we were not sure what the problem was.  One of the kouply employees said I simply had to enable/disable my adapter and it should be fine, or delete the AT&T wifi network from my list and then re-add it. In the meantime, the woman started chatting it up with the guys, saying they looked like good people to ask, and Vinit fixed her connectivity in no time. She thanked him then sat down.

Now with my machine, it was still in progress with being fixed and Vinit did a few tricks and voila, my laptop was working too – yeay!

I walked back over to the cozy chair, sat down and the woman started telling me how nice and sweet “those guys” were were for helping both of us. She said it was a smart move for us to go over to them and ask them for help since they were so nice and sweet. She continued on a bit more about how charming and nice and sweet they were and I smiled and agreed, then realized, she had no idea I was married to one of them. It was right then Vinit walked over, grabbed my chai, took a big gulp and I instantly realized how strange that must have seemed to her so I turned to her and said, “actually, I’m married to this one…”

She laughed and exclaimed how cute that was and that she was even going to suggest I go back over and “talk”with them since they seemed so nice and sweet but that she noticed my wedding ring so she stopped herself.  Little did she know, I had already noticed that exact trait in one of them more than 5 years ago now.

The three of us were all laughing at this point and she asked how we met, and was even a few steps ahead of us in reciting our story by saying “don’t tell me – you two met at Microsoft, right?” She kept telling us we were so cute and we were both laughing as well as blushing a little bit, too.

This story made me smile so big so I just had to share.  It is very flattering when even strangers want to set you up with the person who is already your spouse… talk about the perfect validation!

So cute! I love it!

True story.

-Tanya

Spring Is In The Air

***As seen on kouply.com***

Spring is officially here and for all you kouples who found yourself hibernating in the dead of winter, it comes as a relief to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Congratulations everyone, we’ve reached Spring!

So, let the flower blossoms and allergies begin! We’re only kidding (but carrying along your partner’s allergy medicine when they’ve forgotten it is a great way to rack up those points).  Jokes aside, Spring is a wonderful time of year to slowly make your way out of your house with your darling, and enjoy the longer days and warmer nights ahead.  kouply has created a list of ideas you can do with your sweetstuff, so you can make the most of the wonderful and long waited Spring season this year:

1. Flowers. Guys, in case you haven’t noticed, there are flowers everywhere and they are in full bloom right now. There is no time like this time to buy her some colorful Spring flowers just because…she will love it!

2. Take a nice walk in the park. Walks are not only refreshing and meant for physical health; they can also be nice and therapeutic for you and your sweetheart too.  Besides, you haven’t had such opportunities to take a nice stroll with each other in months.  Get out of the house, go grab some Starbucks, and take a nice walk in Central Park, Stanley Park, Greenlake, or your city’s equivalent. 

3. A Meal outside. Picnics are romantic and a great way to reunite with the outdoors as Spring comes along. You’ve missed nature! Find a nice quiet spot underneath the cherry blossom trees and share some tea sandwiches with a glass of white, on a blanket while taking in your natural surroundings.

4. Outdoor Activities. Summer is just around the corner so get an early start on it by dusting off your bikes and helmets and take advantage of some outdoor activities.  If you’re hikers, nearby trails will be opening soon so find your local schedule and let the hikes begin! Watch for the animals that will also come out of their own hibernation and join you too!

5. Host a Spring party such as an Easter brunch, book club, wine night, or a Spring-themed Potluck. If you’re a social kind of kouple, perhaps it’s time to pull out those serving dishes and invite your friends, including your favorite kouples, over (try not to get too competitive about your Kouply scores, though)!  Spring brings quite the variety of amazing seasonal vegetables so make sure to check out some fun spring recipes you two can tackle together.

6. Plant a garden. We realize this requires time and work and expect a few squabbles here and there on plant placements, but at the end of a hard day’s work – you two will have a garden to show for.  This activity is quite fun and gratifying as you are able to harvest herbs and vegetables on your very own. Here’s one of the best benefits with this sort of activity: this kind of task makes for a great excuse to have a nice hot bath [um, we mean together] at the end of it all, wouldn’t you say?  Check out these spring gardening tips, or if you live in a smaller space you can still create a garden by reading here!

7.    Home projects. They don’t call it “Spring Cleaning” for nothing. The holidays are gone and this is the perfect time to purge your excess crapola together and get ready for a clutter free rest of the year. Perhaps some of those Christmas gifts are still not put away, hung up or returned.  Now is a great time to get started on some of these menial tasks which are simply better achieved when there are two of you. A few drop-offs to your nearest donation center and a happy house (and mind) you will have!

8. Plan a Getaway. We’re talking beaucoup of kouply points for this one! Like Fall, Spring is a great season to travel since tourism in the hot spots is slowly picking up but not yet in full speed. Not only will places be less crowded than in a few months from now but prices will be significantly less as well. There’s nothing like a nice getaway together to rejuvenate and get a wonderful start on the fun and busy season of summer to come.

9. Sports Game. That’s right, baseball and soccer season is starting up soon if they haven’t already. Attending a sports game together is always a fun thing to do, and if you’re not much of a sports fan, you can’t go wrong with a few hours out getting your fill of peanuts and beer together!

10. Tour a Winery or Brewery. These places are usually gorgeous and with the improving weather why not make a trip to your local winery or brewery for that tour you’ve been meaning to do? After that doozy of a winter, you could use a little bit of love intoxication with one another… aren’t we right?

11. Attend a local festival. From this time till Fall, let the festivals begin and now is the time to take advantage of doing some of these fun events with your honey bunches. Tulip festivals, salmon festivals, lavender festivals, even garlic festivals.  Uh yeah… look it up!

12. Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn… So we’re not sure Pitbull had the same idea in mind as we did but he’s sure given us a great kouple’s idea! Perhaps there’s a new hotel which recently opened in your city that you’ve wanted to check out for a while.  Why not splurge on a night out with your cutie and create a getaway right in the comfort of your own city. You can plan dinner, theater or a movie, and stay a night in this hotel you’ve been eyeing for weeks now. Be as sappy as you want, we’re absolutely fine with it!

13. Adopt a puppy or kitten. That’s right, you heard us! Become a parent… to a pet who’s just waiting to be adopted by you! It’s been on your mind for months and while you’ve come up with every excuse you can think of, now is as good a time as any.  In fact, Spring is the perfect time to adopt a new family member such as a cute little puppy or kitten.  Why? Well, for starters if you’re adopting a puppy, potty training them is so much easier on the both of you when the weather is nice enough to take them outside as often as they need to. You can also go on nice long walks and get ready for summer fun as your little furry one grows bigger.  What are you waiting for?

Alright folks, we hope this triggers some fun kouple’s activities out there and allows you and your sweetheart to spend some quality time together this Spring.  Sweep away those cold winter blues and get out there and enjoy the nicer temperatures, wonderful surroundings and longer days together.  

-kouply, the game couples play. 

Get Kouply on Valentine’s Day!

**As seen on kouply – the game couples play!**

Whatever your thoughts are on Valentine’s Day; being an iconic day of love or believing it to be a commercialized marketing ploy to make couples feel terrible and disappointed due to missed expectations, the fact remains this day is always going to exist. Yes, ladies and gentlemen – Valentine’s Day is not going anywhere anytime soon so you can choose to accept this mission of commercially-claimed love, or forgo acknowledging it and risk a weeping loved one whose friends all received romantic cards and candlelit dinners… IN BED. Sadly, there were no fortune cookies involved in that either.

So, please avoid being a shmo on Valentine’s Day.

We love-endorsers at kouply would like to help you stay out of the dreaded dog house this year and help you with a few easy tasks in making this love day a special one for your significant other. In thinking about Valentine’s Day, kouply came up with a list of ideas which you can do.

The Card… The Card… THE CARD!

This is singlehandedly the most important aspect of the holiday.  If you forget everything else, DO NOT FORGET THE CARD. A handmade card is adorable but if you’re like 99% of the population and don’t have time to do cut-outs, glitter and think up sweet little lyrical nothings, buy a bleeping card.  Make sure you say a few nice things in it too because “Love, John” just doesn’t cut it.  Even if it’s a “Love the socks you wore today, Love John” that’s STILL better.

Now that you have the card, here are some ideas to make Valentine’s Day a little bit more special for your loved one…

The Music Lovers: I know a couple who does this on the regular and will spend an afternoon wandering from record store to record store, diving into boxes of classic records and world tunes. For music lovers, this activity can make for a fun day with your loved one.  Throw in lunch at a nearby diner and a little bit of dessert at your favorite bakery and I think you might have ROCKED your loved ones world this Valentine’s day.  Um, no pun intended.

Gift ideas for this theme: iTunes gift card, vintage records, record art, DJ spinning lessons.

For the Techy Couple: 4 words of advice on this one… GET OFF YOUR LAPTOPS.  We realize techy people just do this kind of thing all the time.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say 4 nights a week my husband and I are doing this very thing together, side by side.  For this special day, however, close the laptop and get out there and do some OTHER fun techy things together. So how about a trip to the Sony, Apple or Microsoft store to look at some new gadgets on the way to your favorite restaurant?  If you’re gamers, what about a love match of Kinect or Wii together followed by a candle-lit bubble bath with accompanying chocolate covered strawberries?  Maybe surprise your loved one with a new fun case on their phone and change it out when they’re not looking!

Gift ideas for this theme: A new iPhone case by Argent Designs, Kinect, Apple Store gift card.

For the Sweethearts: And we are not kidding when we say “SWEEThearts.” How about a chocolate tour at your nearby chocolaterie? Seattle’s Theo is a great example of how you can spend a few hours indulging in tasty chocolates with your loved one. For those of you gifted at making your own decadent delicious-ables, heart shaped brownies are something fun you can do for this holiday of love or even a homemade heart shaped meal. Don’t feel cheesy, it’s cute! Some cities offer chocolate tours which makes for a nice gift for both of you in spending your Valentine’s Day full of sweetness. 

Gift ideas for this theme: Frans chocolates, Shari’s Berries, Edibles bouquet, box of chocolates – a nice box with an assortment of their favorite chocolates.

For the Brangelina Couple. If gifts, chocolates, flowers and nauseating mushiness are not your thing, why not plan a day together volunteering for an organization of shared interest?  Nothing is more meaningful than to give back in a way which is important to both of you.  In fact, it’s kind of hot!  Whether it’s cooking for the homeless, planting trees in your state, or enrolling in a big sister/big brother program, this can be one of the most satisfying Valentine’s Days you’ve ever spent together.  After all, nothing melts your heart more than working with your loved one on bettering the world.

Gift ideas for this theme: gift donation to your loved one’s favorite charity such as www.seeyourimpact.org and www.jolkona.org.

For the Creative Souls. Whether it’s making a homemade meal of fun new recipes for your loved one using Chalkboard China and writing sweet little nothings on your dinnerware, or attending a pottery class together making beautiful art you can showcase at home, there are quite a few options creative souls have to choose from.  A cooking or photography class together counts too! 

Gift ideas for this theme: chalkboard china entertaining pieces, art supplies, new cookbook, camera.

For the North Face Kissy-Face Couples. Winter may be here 6 weeks longer according to Punxsutawney Phil, which is why spending Valentine’s Day in a cabin somewhere far in the mountains can make this holiday that much more steamy… and dreamy.  Lock yourselves up in a chalet somewhere, away from all the city madness and enjoy a weekend cooking, reading, relaxing full of bubble baths and candlelit massages.  Oh, and if you get cabin fever, get some fresh air by taking a nice hike outside, underneath the snow clad trees, walking hand in hand.  Yes, we think it’s really romantic too.

Gift ideas for this theme: North Face snow boots, new ski goggles, kindle.

For the Spa-Dwellers: A day at the spa has become a trend which is not intended only for women these days but men love their spa days too!  For those men still a little bit uncomfortable with manning it alone and getting a needed mani, pedi and massage solo, no woman I know would be upset over spending a day at the spa with her loved one. Yes we know, life is tough but somebody’s gotta do it. If you’re looking for some relaxation time in the comfort of your own home why not recreate your ideal Zen experience right at home? Run a bath with your favorite bath beads, use up that nice exfoliating scrub your Aunt Mildred got you for Christmas this year, topped off with a nice head and foot massage. Try throwing in some champagne and strawberries and this will be an occasion to surely knock your Valentine’s socks off… and maybe a few other things, too!

Gift ideas for this theme: aromatherapy candles, your loved ones favorite skincare, matching spa robes.

For the Parents who want to make this day special together.  I have friends that have their date nights but prefer to spend big occasions such as anniversaries and Valentine’s Day with their kids included.  There’s something very sweet and thoughtful about these traditions.  How about a home-made pizza night on Valentine’s Day where it is a team effort to make heart shaped pizzas from scratch with your favorite toppings? A trip to the zoo or children’s theater is also a fun event for the family.  For big points, plan a few days at a nearby spot such as the beach or exploring the charm of a smaller town.

Gift ideas for this theme: A mother’s necklace, framed photo of you and your children they can bring with them to work, voucher for a date night out.

For the Health-Conscious couple. For the couple who likes to keep it healthy, the day of love does not necessarily have to involve chocolates, sweets, and other indulgences. Ever heard of an ionic foot spa? A nice detox together might make for a nice Valentine’s Day affair followed by a meal at the latest organic farm to table restaurant nearby.  What about a yoga retreat together or a planned day full of favorite outdoor activities with a picnic lunch?

Gift ideas for this theme: goodie box full of healthy indulgences (chia seeds, gluten free baked goods), Pilates voucher, and new Lululemon yoga pants — because every derriere looks amazing in them, man or woman.

And lastly…. For the Standard.  Although we are trying to encourage new and different activities for various types of couples and interests, the fact remains, many still like to keep this holiday of hugs and kisses fairly standard. Surprising your loved one with flowers at work always makes a big statement, along with a box of chocolates. For a special touch, bake your Valentine a heart shape cake, or cook your sweetheart heart shaped pasta! 

Gift ideas for this theme: the usual goods – chocolates, flowers, dinner.  Also check out Jack Black “Silver Mark” cologne for your men, ladies. Guys, Miss Dior Cherie is a timeless classic full of sophistication.  Both Amazon and Nordstrom carry these scent-ual fragrances.

Whatever it is you decide to do for your loved one this Valentine’s day, you can’t go wrong if you stick to one ingredient – thought. Put a little bit of thought into it and let your loved one remember it forever. Oh, and see how nice it feels to sleep in your bed this February 14^th after all!

For more thoughtful ideas, check out the Trending Actions on kouply at http://www.kouply.com/

Kouply | Give love. Get Points. Brag About it.

-Tanya

Modern Day Romance

I attended my first silent movie this past Monday called Street Angel, at the Paramount Theater in Seattle.  For those of you who do not know what a silent movie is, I definitely recommend you check one out. 

So, I have to say, with Valentine’s day upon us, this 1920’s movie had me pondering romance a little bit last night and further today. My friend whom I saw the movie with made such a great point as we strolled the quiet streets walking back to our car after the movie. She said, “do you really think guys like that exist?”

And that’s a great question, a question I am still thinking about today. Because the love that Gino had in the movie for Angela, the love we watched for over 2 hours was the most beautiful, strong, unfaltering love you just don’t seen shown in the same way as we saw in the movie. Gino loved Angela so much and it was a love in the purest form, but it’s a different time and have acts of loved simply morphed into different forms yet remained just as powerful?

So I started thinking about the things I would call “modern day romance” or the things men do for us ladies in today’s modern age to show the object of their affection, just how much they mean to them.

They wash our cars.
The hang your framed art work.
They put up your curtains. They take down your curtains. They put up different curtains.
They might surprise you at work with your favorite coffee.
Sometimes they plan a getaway for you.
They force you to take your vitamins every day and have even set a reminder on your phone for that.
They might say I love you just cause, meanwhile you wonder what trouble they are trying to hide.
They love your friends because you do… but well, you have good taste in friends so how could they not?
They have agreed to associated themselves as your significant other on Facebook, thereby making it more official than that marriage license you two signed.
They try to make you happy, even when you would rather be sad
The serve you coffee in bed.
They watch chick flicks with you.
They forgive the mean things you say to them and they don’t ever want to hurt you back in revenge.
They are proud of your successes.
They encourage you when you feel you’ve failed.
They have seen you at your worst, in bed sick for days.
They have seen you rock those skinny jeans and then upgrade to the “roomier jeans” and then back to the skinny jeans over and over and never loved you any less.
They have defended you.
You’ve seen them be selfless and do things for you that you know they did not want to do.
They fix your computer.

So unlike the movie, perhaps my Gino doesn’t save or rescue me from misery and work hard to help me believe in love (or maybe he does) but in today’s modern world, I think there are many acts men can do which go a really long way. 

Call me a romantic but I believe there is nothing more special and more beautiful than a man who loves a woman, a man who TRULY and wholeheartedly loves a woman.

I can’t help but get goose bumps every time I think about it…

Je ne suis pas un romantique (I’m not a romantic)

I’m not a romantic, I swear.  I’m sort of a simple girl with most things and don’t require a lot, especially in the way of romance. Saying this, I think I might have just planned my dream and very non-romantic vacation.

So in less than a week we’re going to France.

Why France, you ask? Valid question. In 2006 I went to Paris for a couple of weeks, missed my flight home, cried in the middle of the airport on the floor, then decided to take a train to Geneva for a few days instead before coming back. You know, the logical thing to do when you miss your flight and have no hope of ever seeing your home country again. There were some twists and turns to this trip which I don’t want to rehash and which you don’t want to hear about, but the point being, I found Paris to be an amazing city and realized there was so much more to explore.

Still, why Paris you ask, why not see a new place? Again, a great question – thanks for asking you hypothetical person, you!

In July my husband and I watched a movie. It was quite a cute movie and was all about traveling throughout Spain. That very night we came home and started looking for tickets to go to Spain for Labor Day weekend except a few things came up which made it impossible for us to travel during that holiday weekend. While we had researched traveling to Spain, I spent some time looking at maps and it was then I realized how I really longed to return to France and would rather explore more of a country I was so in love with the first time. It was almost like I needed to finish a book I had started – there was still more I wanted to see before we ventured out and began to explore other places nearby.  Or maybe my heart was still in France and I yearned to return badly.  I don’t know. But I knew I needed to go back…  

It was a Friday night in September and we were home, feeling sort of down and in the spur of the moment we decided to just plan a trip to France and get the heck out of here. We didn’t even give it a second thought. A few minutes after this decision, our tickets were bought and instead of trying to cover two countries in a matter of 10 days by going to France and Spain both, we decided to explore the hell out of Paris and Southern France and that leaves me to today, where I am excited to talk about this dream vacation of mine…

In moments like these, it helps to have a sweet, dear husband who doesn’t always understand my moods or gut feelings on things, but who trusts I know what’s good for us and then finds a way to get excited about it. 

So, why is this a dream vacation, you’re wondering – geez you ask all the right questions you little smarty! Let’s be clear about one thing, my friends. Tanya might talk about food and love and flirting with apples and loving her husband but one thing Tanya is NOT is a romantic person. Thank God too, because in this relationship I live in every day, if there were two of us romancers, I’d vomit out of pure grossness and cheeseballness. Can we pass over the ginger chews, please.  My husband has enough romancing to last me a life time and if there were two of us romancing types, we’d never get anything done in life except for gazing at each other all day. So I’m not romantic. However, saying that, I truly feel in my heart of hearts, there is a weird closet romantic side to my personality and imagination. Let me explain….

While we were busy having weddings in the US, India, and Thailand (to the SAME person mind you), my REAL dream wedding was to go to Paris and on a whim, elope and get married there.  I have had this dream as my dream “wedding” my whole life.  My plan would be after us making the decision to elope, running out to buy a white dress I could find in one of Paris’ chic boutiques (as there are so many) near a super charming church (as there are so many) and we’d come running out of this stain glassed chapel with doves flying all around and strangers throwing petals at us as we had huge smiles on our faces, hand in hand, and our clothes and hair flowed just perfectly in the wind. The photos taken during this event would be black and whites and yes… I’ve watched too many movies. OK, so maybe there’s a little bit of a romantic side somewhere in me. I’ll even give you a lot of a romantic side in me, just maybe, and maybe even if there is this romantic side, maybe I’m just not comfortable admitting it. 

The reality was, I ended up having so many weddings in real-life (to the SAME person mind you) that I forgot about my original dream wedding of eloping in Paris.

So, that is an example of my romance thoughts in Paris. But it doesn’t stop there…

This is where my dream vacation comes into play.  I’ve also had this idea in my head about driving through the country side of France, travelling city to city by means of a cute little European car, venturing through small charming rustic towns, integrating with the locals, eating amazing French food, enjoying beaucoup des café au laits, and taking in the French culture with cute outfits and my super sweet and cutie of a husband in hand. Not romantic at all. I know.  So, this has been my DREAM vacation since I was probably in 4th grade when I first started taking French lessons.  I know, that’s a long time waiting now…

Well, we did it! We planned this very non-romantic trip doing all these things and I’m beaming with excitement about it.  So what are we doing exactly? Are you ready for this?  Over the course of 10 days here’s what we’re doing……

<drum roll>

…and keep in mind, in the cities we will be exploring, I have every intention of doing just what I said: “venturing through small charming rustic towns, integrating with the locals, eating amazing French food, beaucoup des café au laits, and taking in the French culture with cute outfits and my super sweet and cutie of a husband in hand. Not romantic at all. Nope.”

We are staying in a charming apartment right near the La Tour Eiffel the first four days in Paris.
We have plans to meet up with a friend I made while traveling by train from Paris to Geneva who I’ve still kept in touch with.
We will wander aimlessly throughout Le Marais and do some amazing shopping there.
We will eat the most wonderful French food we can get our hands on and visit all the cute little cafes we possibly can.
We will hit the Musee D’Orsay and see the St Chappelle Church. If I’m lucky we will come out of the church in our wedding outfits so we can add another country to our “places we’ve been married” list.
We got tickets for a formal candle lit dinner cruise along the seine river in the evening admiring the city all lit up in the night.
We are doing a half day scooter tour to cover all the main attractions.
We have tickets to the top of Le Tour Eiffel.
We will take the TGV train down to Avignon.
We will pick up our rental car and drive to the cities of Gordes, Bonnieux, Aix En Provence and end that day in Cassis.
We will then explore Cassis the next day and then head to St. Tropez, Mougins and Cannes where we’ll stay that night.
The next day we’ll do some more sightseeing in Antibes, St-Jean-Cap-Ferrat, Eze and Nice.
Next on the agenda is a full day in Monte Carlo before hopping on a flight back to Paris.
Our final day in Paris we will be staying in Saint-Germaine-des-Pres where we have splurged on a charming hotel, and will visit the Jardin du Luxembourg and explore everything Saint G has to offer!

Ahhhhh… bliss.  Total bliss, I cannot wait and I’m in la-la land just thinking about it!

And who’s NOT the romantic here??

-Tanya Parles

Relationship Survey

I’m at it again – here’s another shout out to a cool idea a couple of friends are working on.  I can’t go into specifics as to what it is but one thing that would help them out is if you could take the fun little survey on relationships (link below).

Basically, these guys are looking for input from real people on nice or special things your significant other does for you, or things you would LIKE them to do for you. If you’re single, here’s your opportunity to share some ideas as to what you’d LIKE your future or potential significant other to do for you.  Who knows – this information could reach the right person at the right time and you might have found the woman/man of your dreams meeting the person who tickles your fancy in an unconventional way only you could appreciate, because they just so happened to come across this information. In that case, there’s no doubt about it — you two were destined!  So don’t waste another second to invest in meeting your future spouse, you single people.  Take the survey!

As for the cool idea, of course when the project has been completed and is public, you can expect a post promoting the hell out of it :-) I will say this – it’s a great idea which you’ll really enjoy.  So take the survey! Please!

Thanks folks,

Tanya

Survey Link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/93NZ3Z3

What I’ve Learned Thus Far…

I was thinking about what makes a good marriage recently when a few things popped up in my head so I thought I’d share a couple of those things. Yes, I realize I may be the least credible person to talk about marriage advice since I don’t have years and years of being married under my belt to speak to but hey, this is my blog and I can talk about anything I want, haha!

So let’s kick this conversation off with humor. I believe humor keeps a marriage alive and kicking.

There are numerous things which Vinit does which cracks me up and he’ll most likely kill me for disclosing some of these things.  For example, when he sprays deodorant on in the morning, he stands in front of the mirror, points the can at his armpits, pushes the button on the deodorant spray and then jolts as if he’s getting electrocuted. It never fails to crack me up. 

Yesterday I was having issues with WordPress and Windows Live Writer talking to each other. In an effort to make light of the situation he did something so funny. He knows I check my site Tanya Talks stats information time to time so the following search keywords came up in my site stats yesterday from guess who:

He succeeded – it did make me laugh.

I believe one of the most important aspects to a healthy marriage is to keep things light, playful and to keep the laughter going. That’s my conclusion though not having a lot of married time to show, we’ll see how my theory proves down the road. But seriously, humor takes you a long way, even for someone like me who tends to be more serious compared to Vinit.

The other thing I would say is key to a healthy marriage is a connection. I’m not talking about anything to do with wireless, the internet, or technology here. I think making the time to connect is super important as well. Connecting doesn’t have to be a huge ordeal either, not a dedicated date night or spending hours talking about deep topics at nauseam. Connecting well can come in all shapes and sizes.

For example, Vinit and I carpool every day to and from work. It never occurred to me how important these 30 minutes each way were until I saw him get irritable for the first time a few months ago and he actually said he felt something was off with us. It FREAKED me out!

To be clear, nothing bothers Vinit. He is the most easy-going, laid back, chilled out guy I think I might have possibly ever met – there are no competitive, jealous, insecure, judgmental, or other ill feelings in this guy’s soul. Not only is he that way with me, he’s this way with everyone. I could not love this more about him.

So, when he told me something was bothering him, I got concerned. I was REAL concerned as he never complains. At the time he wasn’t able to identify what was bothering him but it was during a phase where I was working from home and we were no longer carpooling. After a thorough discussion of trying to figure out what was wrong, he concluded the connection we had every day where we drove together and where I dropped him off and picked him up was missing.

At first I didn’t buy it, it’s just carpooling for crying out loud.  Then as I listened further to his argument I realized exactly how important that time was for us and remembered the conversations we usually had. This was our time to not only prepare for our day ahead and discuss some of the things we had coming up, but to also wind down together and chat about how our day went, what our plans were, and anything else exciting. He was right – this was our connecting time.

It never occurred to me that we really used this time well to connect but it made total sense once I thought about it.  It was a special time for us during our crazy days.

The last tip amongst many other things in keeping a marriage healthy would be the art of selfless giving. I recently read this quote and could not agree with it more:

“Real giving is when we give to our spouses what’s important to them, whether or not we understand it, like it, or agree with it.”

I know that giving, especially when it doesn’t make sense to you, is a tough one. I’m not great at it but I think I’m getting better. Naturally I’ve learned how to be flexible and understanding of things I’ve never understood or had to make sense of before. Vinit also does the same with me – he doesn’t always see where I’m coming from yet he’ll always support me on whatever it is and try really hard to try and understand it.

I remember when I was younger reading that you know when you truly love someone when you put their needs in front of your own. Yep, that is exactly right!  We see parents do this all the time, but as a couple it’s equally important. 

I know no relationship is perfect. We certainly have our moments but knock on wood; those moments are nothing too bad so getting through them is fairly painless.

Overall I would say, keep things light, maintain a steady flow of fun, make sure to be cognizant of the connection between you two and always respect each other and give selflessly.  These are just a few things I’ve noticed that will keep a marriage healthy. At least for us.

It works. After all, Tanya Talks & Vinit Loves.

The Indian in Me and the American in Him.

It’s been over 4 years now since I’ve known Vinit. If you don’t know who Vinit is yet, well he’s my husband. And he’s Indian, though I had no idea where he was from when first meeting him. I’m pointing out this level of ignorance as one would be shocked with some of the things I do today, that there was once a time where I knew nothing about his culture. See, when I first knew of this Vinit Jain he used to share an office with somebody named Fatih. Fatih was from Turkey. I had no clue who was who, was Fatih from India and was Vinit from Turkey – beats me! Even when finding out he was Vinit Jain, I still didn’t know where a “Vinit Jain” would be from. But now I know. I probably know a little too well…

As one can imagine, we have a very colorful and interesting relationship. I don’t think just any American could be married to an Indian nor do I think just any Indian could be married to an American. One would assume with my mentioned level of ignorance above when we met, I might qualify as one of those Americans who would not be suited for such a relationship but sometimes even I shock myself.

I remember when getting to know Vinit I assumed he was pretty westernized and never felt a huge need to learn much about his culture. One small example was, for the first six months of hanging out as friends we never ate Indian food together so I thought he just didn’t like Indian food. Finally one day we were looking for a place to have lunch in Seattle and I asked why he never wanted to eat Indian food when he replied, “Because you wouldn’t like it.” I assured him it was only fair to see if he was right so I asked him to take me to an Indian restaurant. We were walking around on foot in downtown Seattle and stopped in the first hole-in-the wall Indian restaurant we could find. We had lunch and well, he was right. I didn’t like it. In fact, I thought it was awful!

A few months passed and he invited me over to one of his barbecues at his house. His friends were all there and they were grilling vegetables and had ordered pizza. For starters, the vegetables and paneer (cheese cubes) had so much spice, my eyes watered uncontrollably and people kept rushing to get me tissue. The pizza was CanAm pizza, an Indian pizza, and was very spicy to me and tasted like an Indian dish on top of pizza crust. Just great, I really could not win that day. To me, it was awful yet again. I was so embarrassed not being able to eat and was mortified as his friends continuously handed me glasses of water and asked me if I was OK all night.

A few months later, I got brave enough to ask him to cook me some homemade Indian food as a third attempt. He made me chole and roti and it was love at first sight. It won my heart. I had instantly fallen in love with … chole and began craving it after that day. One night on my way home from work I thought so much about the chole he had made that I went and bought some garbanzo beans. And a jar of salsa. And a tomato. As well as some tortillas from the grocery store. I truly believed, like a lot of American dishes, I could figure out a work around rather than having to buy each and every real ingredient for chole and could replicate the dish he made. Ha, what a joke! I made the most bizarre concoction that night which I never told him about. It was pretty awful and I kept that little secret to myself (till now). But I was suddenly a lot more interested in Indian food. It was actually really yummy! The next time I visited his house I asked him to cook for me again. This time he made toor daal which is a lentil dish. Once again, I fell in love with…daal just like I did with the chole. I’m talking head over HEELS, crazy in love with… daal – lol! I did not even attempt to try to make this one at home but as he continued to cook me Indian food during my visits, I continued to realize that there was this other side to him I knew very little about, a very delicious aspect to his culture.

He started opening up to me as I became very inquisitive about India and he started teaching me about some of the traditions, the food, the people, and the culture. I listened very carefully. He would speak in Hindi often to his friends when I was around and I started asking about words I continuously heard. He wore a red threaded bracelet and I was incredibly fascinated about this threaded bracelet and wanted to know why he wore it. Vinit is also a vegetarian which was nothing new to me but his particular sect does not eat egg and in some cases, no root vegetables either. I wanted to understand that more, too. I asked question after question after question and I soaked this information up. He never got tired of me asking questions and I never got tired of learning. I had this burning hunger to understand more and he was very patient with me teaching me everything I wanted to know. As opposed to months before this, I finally realized he was very much from India and I was very much an American.

What also continued to remind me of our differences was when I would share this information with my friends they would think some of these things were so strange. But how come I didn’t think it was strange? I began to understand the basis behind a lot of things he did or the way he lived, and everything started to make a lot of sense to me. I accepted everything including the negative things which would come about if he and I were to ever become a real couple. I even started to understand that, the reasons behind it and I refused to judge it as easy as that would have been. Our story continued and after months of contemplation, we decided there was no other way for us. Differences or not, we needed to be together. So what did that mean exactly?

This means I have dedicated my life to loving the values and roots in which Vinit has, and everything that comes with it.

• Saturday mornings there’s nothing I love more than having poha and chai.
• I am able to eaves drop on conversations going on at work (in Hindi) and understand a lot of the context with what’s being said.
• I sing along to my coworkers Bollywood music in their cars when we go out to lunch and they laugh the entire time. Especially when they ask which movies the songs came from and I’m right!
• The days of cookies and pastries have become a thing of the past. Bring on the kaju katli and ladoos.
• I bring a tiffin to work with matris as my snacks whenever we have them in the house.
• I have a whole section in my closet dedicated to my Indian attire.
• Onion choppers are the best invention ever.
• I now wear a red threaded bracelet, just like the one he wore when we met.
• I just about jump out of my skin when I hear people say, “Does Vinit speak Hindu and is he Hindi?”
• I still crave chole & roti regularly only now I’m the one who cooks it – the Indian way.
• I eat everything on my plate, not wasting food anymore.
• I just LOVE my Indian tax guy who asks me during tax season, “How much do you want THIS year?”

But I’m still an American girl, as much as I’ve adopted my husband’s culture. Yes, I’m indeed, still an American girl.

• After the 6-month promotion ends with the cable company, I pay full price.
• I do not do research on insurance companies and compare rates for weeks.
• I crave pasta and pizza often.
• I talk very graphically, openly, and bluntly when with my girlfriends, about all things.
• I don’t overwork.
• I watch movies by myself in the theatre.
• On my bed, I still have a bottom sheet, a top sheet and then the comforter.
• I really love pets, like REALLY love them.
• I am usually brought to tears when I see people in poverty.
• I put leftovers in Tupperware, not in bowls with plates as lids on top.
• Garbage goes in trashcans.
• Green chilies are still not my friends.
• I have not developed a liking for achaar yet.
• I “knock” on wood rather than “touch” wood.

Although I’m American, Vinit has kept his cultural ties close to his heart.

• He wakes up in the wee hours of the night to watch a full cricket match on his computer, which is playing in India.
• He schedules his activities around friend’s dinners and any other occasion which involves Indian food.
• He wears slippers in the house from the time he reaches the doorstep till the time he leaves the house.
• He’ll stretch $10 over the course of two weeks.
• He believes rice, mangoes and potatoes are too unhealthy while I still view them as healthy foods.
• He’s still getting used to the do-it-yourself tasks around the house rather than hiring people to do those things for you.
• Putting our kids in “public” schools one day seems like a nightmare to him.
• He claims he’ll never give up his Indian citizenship.
• He thought Slumdog Millionaire was an average or slightly below average movie.

Saying this, he’s also extremely open to my culture and all that comes with it:

• He craves pesto pasta regularly.
• He loves my family as colorful and eccentric as they all are, and very different from his own.
• He doesn’t even blink an eye if I want to enjoy a latte every day.
• He’s open to group situations with all my friends, all Americans (or almost).
• He loves American music in addition to Indian music.
• He drinks diet coke.
• He respects my religion and has been great about attending church with me.
• There are no male/female defined roles in our house other than the child bearer.
• He packs my lunches.
• He’s slowly learning Tom the cat will never bite him.
• Instead of asking me to cook with green chilies or red chili powder he finds work around to get spice into his food such as using achaar (pickled-mango).
• He demands we not go to Hindi movies on opening nights even when I beg, as he claims they all just copy American movies anyway.
• He’s ok with settling here in the U.S for good.

So these are just a FEW of the examples where one can see how much we have to give and take with being together. It’s a two-way street but we’ve always had fun doing it and have approached it in a very positive and open way. We have a long life and journey ahead and I believe our attitudes and approach have well-equipped us for the continuous learning and challenges we’ll face.

At times it’s not that easy though. In trying to play on each other’s team, we are often pulled off our own teams by others and suddenly categorized, even criticized, for integrating the way we have. We’ll often hear people say he’s too Americanized now or that I’m too Indian now. I’ll be the first person to describe all the ways in which Vinit is NOT Americanized and he will be the first to describe all the ways in which I’m definitely NOT Indian, but we get this all the time due to our efforts in trying to assimilate and remove borders between us. Of course we get it in the other way too. I remember last year I was downright scolded and embarrassingly told by one of our Indian friends that it was “high time” (a commonly used phrase) to learn Hindi and why didn’t I know the language by now. I will always remember the person, an Indian girl, who jumped in and saved me on that conversation and said, but why. Why should she have to learn it, she’s absolutely fine and has already done a lot to be part of the culture. And I’ve always wanted to learn it, but before our relationship became more permanent, I was not sure of the level of investment when this conversation took place. It happens with Vinit too – at times my friends or family will ask why Vinit is approaching something a certain way or doing something opposed to a way in which they’d do it, or any American would normally do it. I have to explain and clear up the reasons behind it, even though it’s not always well understood.

Through it all, I can honestly say as a couple we get it. We understand what it is we have to do for each other in meeting each other’s expectations and in having a harmonious life together. It’s a mutual sacrifice on both sides and I know for me personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Bring on the entertaining Bollywood, the tasty masalas, the beautiful sarees, but please bear with me as I mess up movie names such as Bache Haseeno as well as famous DJs – DJ Sudeko or Akbi Sambar. As for Vinit, though I’m sure he’s learning quite a few new things, such as clarifying American expressions with me often, I don’t see the Indian in him dying down anytime soon. I’m pretty sure it’s here to stay, THANK GOD.

So cheers to true love, open minds, fulfilling lives, beautiful hearts, and the courage to be different…
-Tanya

My Relationship, My Handbag.

My views of relationships are neither right nor wrong. They are my views. And you can certainly disagree with my views. But today I want to talk about my view on relationships. For the record, I’m still unmarried with no children so feel free to navigate away from this page now if you feel necessary.

In short, it has taken me years to be able to articulate this but I finally realized while thinking recently, my relationship is my accessory. It is that beautiful handbag I want to carry daily. It’s that favorite pair of shoes which puts the entire outfit together perfectly. My relationship is my new make-up which I just bought and am so excited to put on. My relationship is that little extra added glamour. So, my relationship is only my accessory. It does not define me nor complete me. It simply compliments the person who I am at the core and it makes me that much better. And doesn’t just makes me better, I actually feel good because accessories should not hurt or make things worse. When a cute pair of long dangly earrings is hurting you after a long night out, you don’t continue wearing them. You take them out. But the cute diamond stubs which seem to never bother you, now those are the ones you can wear for days. Let’s be honest, at times earrings are going to hurt – it happens, but don’t always pick the ones which hurt so badly and so often, they are more of a disadvantage than advantage. There’s too many pairs of earrings out there to put up with that.

It has taken me a long time to figure out what works best for me — you see, I can be fickle…and picky. And extremely indecisive overanalyzing something to pieces as it crashes and burns up in flames right before me not knowing how this happened yet again. I admit I’m typically responsible for my own outfit disasters, picking out very good accessories, but never knowing how to carry them off or when to wear them. One time I went in thinking it was fur when really it was faux. I realized today, however, things are finally coming together for me and my ability to figure out my best accessory is finally here. It’s making more sense every single day. I’ve needed to learn this, once and for all.

A relationship does not define me the same way a winter scarf should not take all the credit for your well put together outfit. You can live without that scarf… but you cannot live without your pants!  Same rules apply here too. You will never hear me shouting the words “you complete me!” because these are all things I feel we are responsible for taking care of on our own. But I do believe a relationship is something that when at its best, can make you that much better as a person. It can make you want to do things you’ve never done before. It can create an understanding and openness you’ve never thought to explore. When the right relationship comes into your life, you’re on your best behavior because you want to be – after all, this is your favorite accessory – why tarnish its glamour? I realize I’m materializing something very personal but perhaps this is the only way it makes sense to me right now.

With the relationship I’m currently in, I have to say I honestly respect this accessory a great deal. I feel absolutely fine with who I am but I feel so amazing and that much better when in the presence of this accessory. The way this accessory works with all my clothes never ceases to amaze me. But this did not happen overnight mind you. I’ve tortured myself and the accessory with the left-over residual pieces from my past, making the entire outfit clash at times. On occasion, I too have had to be patient with this accessory as they figured out how we fit in each others worlds. But this time I finally found an accessory strong enough and durable forcing me to be my best. I finally woke up and realized in order to receive the full benefits of this accessory, I would have to confront the beauty in this relationship, acknowledge it in all its wonderfulness and no longer be afraid or I better be on my way.  If I’m going to carry the Louis Vuitton, I better leave my walmart wallet at home (I don’t really have a walmart wallet.  Nor a Louis Vuitton :))

So my advice for anyone out there confused about what a relationship should be to you, please consider this. Keep relationships in their proper perspective and don’t expect more than you should from it. A relationship is your accessory and as long as you understand that, and accept your wonderful self at the core, only then can you be that much more amazing with your accessory in your life.

Afterall, a nice bag and cute shoes don’t count for anything when you left your pants at home.

This blog entry is dedicated to my most dazzling and favorite accessory yet… xoxo

Why Isn’t She Calling Me Back

I’ve written about this topic before, but it never ceases to amaze me how often I hear this story. I’m sorry guys, I have to write about it once more and promise this is the final entry on this topic.

I have a friend who has been forwarding emails to me she’s been receiving from a guy who is very interested in her. Every time he calls and leaves her a voicemail, she’ll tell me about those too. My friend met this guy a few months ago and after two dates she realized due to fundamental differences (he hates chocolate AND coffee) and lack of conversation chemistry, this was likely not going to be “the one,” though she claimed him to be very nice and attentive. Because the two of them went out on only two dates, she did not feel it necessary to get into the ever so UN-fun conversation as to why she’s not interested. Instead, she decided to take a more gentle and relaxed approach and told him, “Hey, I’ll be busy for a VERY long time so let me contact you.” But this did not stop him. Post-explanation (this entire past month), my friend has continued to ignore his multiple and continued efforts with him still asking her out both via voicemail as well as emails in which she has not responded to. Nope, not even one of them. Here we are today, a new email just arrived in her inbox as of just a few minutes ago, and adding yet another mark to his MANY attempts from previous weeks and both of us sit here conversing over IM asking, “Are you kidding me? How can he not get it??”

I felt compelled to blog about this and explain why some of us handle things the way we do and why guys should quit being HUGE idiots.

Here’s the thing – I know its tough math but a girl you dated twice… who has not picked up any of your calls AFTER she told you she’s indefinitely busy… has not replied to any of your emails… has not contacted you herself over the past month, I hate to say this as I think you’re great too even though you’re acting like an IDIOTTTT, is well.. are you ready to hear it? Dude, like seriously, she’s probably not interested. OK, not even ‘probably’ but a NO, she’s definitely not interested. Persistence pays, I get it as I love that phrase too, but for some of us out there, even persistence will never pay in the end. You’ve got to let it go and accept your fate. Just like you guys, when a girl is interested you’ll definitely know. When we’re interested we’ll do super crazy things like accept your phone calls, answer your emails, we might even go as far as to say “yes” when you ask us out on that 3rd date, if we’re in a good mood that day. No, but seriously, I can promise you this – if we’re interested there will be no such rejection like what my friend is doing with this guy for so many weeks.

But if we aren’t interested, please read between the lines and understand our silent messages which are pretty obvious. If you’re waiting for us to verbally tell you this, get over it. If you deep down do get it, accept it. If you cannot accept it, please just ask us if your thinking is right. Often times we don’t like to initiate these conversations but we’re OK having them. But as much as you want to ignore the signs, your self-respect is diminishing in our eyes by the day and now we’re upset we wasted two dates on such an idiot!! Look, I’m not claiming to be an expert in relationships or women but I can only try and help based off my experiences and people I know.

So here’s a list of signals girls might convey if they are not interested in you. Please make note that this is not an exhaustive list but covers a few basics:

· She might not answer or return your calls
· She might not respond to text messages
· She might not respond to emails
· She might tell you she’s indefinitely busy and to let her contact you
· She might say you are like a brother to her
· When going out, in groups or just you two, she might like to keep huge distance from you
· She might talk about how hot she thinks X guy is
· She might ironically hate everything you just told her you loved
· She might tell you she’s looking for more FRIENDS bolding the FRIENDS in her words
· She’s suddenly going “out of town”
· She might tell you she’s not in “the right mental space” for dating at this time
· She might tell you she’s a transient only living here temporarily and may be moving to Germany
· She might tell she’s not over an ex yet
· Are you the one to always initiate contact? If you don’t, notice how she never does… ding ding!
· And of course, the classic line… “work is really busy right now”
· If she has ever texted you, you will see no smiley’s in her texts :)

Alrighty! Clear as mud? On the contrary here’s how to tell if she is in fact interested in you. Please make note that this is not an exhaustive list but covers a few basics:

· When you call, she answers, and if she doesn’t, she calls shortly after with a real crisis on her hands at the time in which you called
· When you ask her out on a date, she exclaims YES! before you’ve finished your sentence
· She feels like a clingy cat when you two are out in public, purring next to you, giving you “the eyes”
· When you send her emails, no matter the hour, you get a response within minutes with a signature that reads, “Sent from my Windows Mobile® phone”
· Somehow marriage and number of children she wants has entered the conversation
· You don’t usually hear her talk about other hot guys
· She tells you she’s had a lot of time to self-reflect on other relationships and is now ready to date seriously
· She’s usually available any and all evenings you ask her out and if not, has a really good reason
· She has a list of ideas in which she suggests when you tell her it’s her night to choose where to have dinner

This just gives you a tiny idea as to how to tell if she’s interested or not. One thing I must call out, these rules are by no means gender specific either.

Ladies, I beg you to get a clue as well and please don’t waste the pretty on a guy who’s trying to tell you in whatever way that he’s not interested. If he’s not booking the next date at the end of the night, don’t waste your time. This truly means he doesn’t like you enough and it’s a complete waste of your time! There are a zillion people out there waiting to meet you. That goes for you too, men out there! Get out there and meet some women who really like you! You are so awesome and should spend this energy on someone who knows it. But quit being an idiot and quit bothering the people who are blatantly trying to ignore you. A month of not answering your calls??? Geez, come on! GET A FREAKIN CLUE, YOU BIG IDIOT!!! I almost don’t feel sorry for you.

OK, after the 54th blog entry on this topic, I hope it’s clear now. Thanks.

Cheers to getting a clue out there!

Tanya