I’ll be 39 weeks pregnant tomorrow and that is it. We’ve just about made it! What a ride this has been. I don’t remember what it’s like to feel un-pregnant and yet at the same time there are mornings I wake up, turn over and as I get out of bed am reminded of this baby who has still yet to make her appearance, causing me grunting and huffing just so I can sit up. It feels like a lifetime yet at the same time, it feels like just yesterday I was surprising my husband with the big news while he was traveling.
Well, now things are coming to an end and it’s just days till I get to meet this sweet child. It’s true that you definitely love your baby with all your heart right from the start, even before you meet. I never understood that before but it could not make more sense now. You go through days of dreaming what she’ll look like, how she’ll be, who she’ll become. This experience brings you back to the very basics of life where you pray for nothing other than her good health and that everything will be alright. After all, nothing else…nothing… really matters.
Whenever it was an ultra sound day, I would dress up in a special outfit because it would be my time with my daughter, time where I would get to peak at her and see what she was up to and how she was doing. There was nothing more amazing than those dates I had with her during the past several months. Some might think I even purposely went in a few extra times with excuses just to see her. I don’t think I have to answer that.
The best advice I got during this time was from a friend I hadn’t seen in months but who so eloquently explained motherhood and this life changing experience to me. I still look back on what she wrote and get goose bumps. She said:
“I know how overwhelming it can all feel. It’s like the whole world with all of its pleasures and burdens has been delivered onto your lap and into your heart. And everybody will tell you what you are supposed to do. But remember, your body and spirit have been active in the process of creating this life, and God will give you the wisdom you need to take care of it. My best advice is to trust yourself. There is a divine reason God gave this life to you.”
So now we wait.
Soon I know I will miss all her kicks but in turn I’ll have her in my arms.
Soon the hiccups which used to wake me up in the middle of the night will be an adorable reality right in front of me.
Soon her nursery chair I already rock her in will be used to read to her, sing to her, feed her, and put her to sleep.
Soon there will be no more questions, no more wonders, I will know exactly what she is like and I will not want her any other way.
Soon I’ll have no reason to spend time just staring at my belly just to see a tiny foot or hand poking through, I’ll get to touch that tiny foot and hand with my own two hands.
She is my daughter. I will protect her, guide her, love her, fight for her, teach her, listen to her and do my best to understand her in all ways possible. I am forever grateful this past 9 months was made possible and that is something I’ll never take for granted.
I pray and hope she loves her life on this side. She has no idea just how long we’ve been waiting for her and how much she is already loved and adored.